Oct. 13th, 2011

sunshine_queen: Tricia being fierce, as always. (Syd & SpyDaddy- hurt- cristofle)
I had a really rough day today. I saw my friend Madeleine for like a half hour, and we found this American library that charges 82 euros/year to join, but there were DVDs and books... Madeleine had to leave to teach so I literally stayed there for like two and a half hours, freaked out the whole time they'd kick me out for not being a member. It was so nice just to hear English and be in a library... but I was *so alone* the whole day. When I wasn't on the verge of tears I just felt so stupidly empty and unhappy. I don't like to wander by myself, and I found a copy of The Blind Assassin for 2 euros, which was nice (a different copy!) but oh man, I am just so unhappy here and I hate it. The bank had my bank card, but I never got any letters from them with the code, so I still can't use it, and my phone wasn't there and they don't know when it will be, so I have to go add more money to my 'pay as you go' phone which isn't terrible but I had been hoping to just talk to my mom with impunity on it until the cash ran out and now I can't.

The meeting went well with the woman... I was like twenty minutes later because I underestimated the time it would take me to get there, but she seemed nice enough, but I totally won't take it. The apt is pretty awful, the commute would be really rough, and also she wants like, someone to stay until July and also she pays like 6 euros an hour for babysitting? What even? So pretty sure that's a no.

I really felt better earlier today, but all today I literally just felt empty and hollow and wretched, and I know that I'm incredibly spoiled for having never felt that way before, but oh lord, it was terrible. I've pretty much made up my mind to tough it out here, but I don't know how long I can take feeling this way.


sunshine_queen: Tricia being fierce, as always. (Default)

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