Warm fuzzies.

Can I say that the Alias dreams I'm having are freaking me out?

The one I had last night- and this was a very nice dream- was that Simon was my boyfriend. Or maybe it was Justin Theroux, but whoever he was- or I was, for that matter, because I don't know if I was me or Syd or Julia or what (but I think it was me, oddly enough)- we were in this big gym-like bathroom with other people and in towels and something upset me and I let him comfort me, which was a big deal, and I quietly admitted that I wanted him too, which was a bigger deal. Then we went to watch a movie with a whole lot of people, and I was leaning against him, which was another big deal.

Before I go into the tangent wherein I realize just how pathetic I am- I have to say it was a really nice dream. And not because I was involved with this gorgeous man whose clavicle and throat I would love to lick (just ask Julesy)- but because it felt good to be near him and to lay my head on his shoulder and to let him comfort me. It was a real warm-and-fuzzy feeling dream because I felt safe and loved and whatnot. And that, my friends, is what I want. More than a boyfriend, I want the warm fuzzies. Because even after Mommy woke me up at the ungodly hour of 11:20, I still felt all good and loved, and even now, talking about it... I can't describe it.

And here we are at the pathetic part: DUDE. I am dreaming about a fictional character. A fictional character that is a bad guy. A fictional character that is, as far as we know, a dead bad guy. And, for another thing- did I have any real carnal bliss/pleasure with him? No! According to most people, it's not healthy to not even dream about it. Even my subconscious thinks I'm an asexual being. Yes, in my dreams, I cuddle. In my dreams, I angst about something and then angst about wanting to be with someone who would make me feel better. And then they do, and I still have the warm and fuzzy feeling even as I talk about it.

Yesterday, driving in the car, Mom and I were behind this couple. First the girl was stroking the guy's hair as they were stopped at a stoplight until he took her hand and kissed her palm. Then she leaned her head on this shoulder. Then they kissed a few times- nothing hot and heavy, just a few short, quick kisses. And I gave everyone in my car a play-by-play, because it was just the cutest thing in the world. "Jesus, Madi," Mom said as the light turned green, "You're desperate."

I think she's right.

(no subject)

I hate 'The Grapes of Wrath'. It's not even amusing, my hatred for it. It's blinding.

Lucky for me, though, Janelle's getting the chem, so I'm going over tomorrow to do it with her, and then, supposedly, over to Tata's to get my hair done.

Since Mel is melancholy about school, it's been decided that I am Madencholy.

It's official.  ( I need love in my life. )

Tess made me remember a part of my dream. He told me he loved me. I looked away and said nothing. And then felt horribly guilty.