Theirloveissotelevised.

[sunshine_queen]

Alright. For today's Alias rundown we have:

THE PASSAGE
also known as The Bristow Family Vacation

There is a bad moon risin on the Sarkney front. The Mom Mobile runs the Sarkamotive off the road. He thinks of luck and sex in the employee washroom; Syd's thinking of fire and brimstone. And that Sark's a dog. Woof. Daddy is concerned about Mommy having spilled the beans about their double agentry to her son, Sark. Syd and Dix hate Sark. Marshall cowers from Sark. Mommy is being very nice to Syd, and Syd is very happy that she saved her nonboyfriend's life. Mommy decides that as she saved the nonboyfriend, she deserves some faith from Syd and the CIA at large. Syd says she doesn't think so, but can she have $20 to go the movies? SpyMommy slaps the glass and tells Syd if she doesn't clean her room she can FORGET about ever going out again. Syd says that the CIA ain't lately about to let her be Carmen Sandiego. Mommy says that all will be lost if she's not allowed to wear the fedora. Syd decides to tell Kendall and Kendall thinks that both the Bristow women are loons. Agent Amorous ensures future feeling-ups by agreeing. When Kendall asks what Daddy thinks, Daddy says that he thinks it's a great idea, after saying his judgment's impaired. Kendall says nein. Vaughn whistles as Daddy and Baby argue in front of him. Sark teases Sloane about the SD-6 minions. Sloane smacks his son and tells him that he needs to settle down and stop teasing others for not being born innately suspicious and with a ginormous trust fund. Sloane tells Sark that Syd will believe every damn word he says and then Sark tells Sloane to lie to Daddy. This is bad. We learn that Emily is alive, bsh-wee. Syd goes to Uzbekistan, which my sister insists is not a real place, with supah straight hair and eyeliner of I-work-for-evil-really-dom. In the opium den of fun, the druggie dude says that his codes are no good sans the dude he stole them from's fingerprints. Dix looks scarily intense as said druggie says everything will go 'boom'. He winks at Syd after telling them that he killed fingerprint man. Druggie and Dix kill Syd to get them into a morgue by shooting her in the forehead. Ew. Dix is your average african-american-Uzbek. Syd comes back and sees dead people, but she doesn't even get Amy Irving. She fights people after getting the fingerprints and almost gets shot for real by Dix. Will tells Vaughn that bad bad Russian people doctored American IQ tests. Vaughn fires Will anyway and pays him. Will says nein and hands him back the money. Syd is in the notburned! apt. looking miserable. Will notices and Syd says she's sad because British sonofabitch, Sark- does Will remember him? Er, the dude who tortured him? Yeah, vaguely- is working with them at SD-6. He tells Syd that Vaughn fired him. Syd yells at Vaughn. Vaughn says he likes Will, he's fun. This earns him brownie points, so Syd dimples him, which gives him the strength to make his Rolex speech. Gom theirloveissomeanttobe. Flipping beepers beep in unison (theirloveissosimultaneous!) The gang visits Mommy in her little fishbowl. Mommy is contained and nyahs that she doesn't want to help them anymore but she does want a pillow, a blanket, and the latest Danielle Steel. There is creepy Virina. Syd is very honest to Mommy about how everything that ever goes wrong in the world is her fault, so she needs to go now. Mommy agrees to chaperone. Daddy says he's not letting Mommy have all the fun so he signs up too. Daddy gives Mommy a blowing-up necklace. Theirloveissovolatile! Mommy tells Syd that the nonboyfriend has trouble sleeping when Syd's away. Syd tells Mommy that the nonboyfriend way did not tell her that. Irina-Carol Brady says that she knows that Syd loves him. Father knows best and yells at Irina-June Cleaver for not being there all of Syd's life and sticking her nose in it now. Syd asks if they're there yet and throws up in the backseat. The two men who aren't doing Syd even though they'd both like to talk. The yellow lense is used to show that we're in India, really. Andrew, Catherine and Sara Godson are in the hizzouse. Sara thinks India's a cute country n' all, but she'd much rather be in Miami with her friends because god forbid you spend Thanksgiving with your family. Miami's no good in November anyway, Sara. She has a fixation on her curl that's hanging in her face. Catherine makes out with Andrew when the Indian dude tells her she has a pretty necklace. Sara is really grossed out because, dude? She came from the stork. The Godsons rock their Burberry luggage that they wind up ditching. Mommy takes off her shirt in front of Daddy. Daddy gulps. Mommy giggles. Daddy and Mommy have a quickie and then go and meet Syd in the baggage car. They start arguing over who gets to jump first, as Daddy went first last time. Daddy says he's not letting Mommy out of his sight. Baby tells Mommy and Daddy to shut up and jumps. They all jump, yay, and Daddy tells Baby that he needs to know that Baby is going to listen to him no matter what. Baby says okay. Mommy is scarily observant about their guide. Sloane gets Emily's finger in the mail, complete with wedding ring. Wonder how many labels he had to send in for that. Guide doesn't listen to Daddy and they all get caught. Guide dies. Bristows work together. Ah, the family that spies together. Nothin' like mowing down the enemies to U2. Daddy is a jerk to Mommy, but they walk on, into the Indian field and the next episode.

Back at the Ops Center, a lackey starts freaking out. He runs to Vaughn and tells him things are exploding and there's fighting and MEH Mommy just blew up. Vaughn is worried. He eees and then finds out he can't find out if Syd's still in the land of the living. Kendall asks him what part of clandestine doesn't he understand? Sending in a bunch of agents ain't exactly covert. Shh, Kendall says, looking around, the Bristows are on their own and Vaughn better quit worrying over his nongirlfriend and start crying over the nuclear weapons. Vaughn thinks that a man whose priorities are so far out of whack does not deserve such a fine cranium. Syd tells Daddy she's tired and she wants an ice cream cone. Daddy says that Space Mountain is right there and they're not stopping. Syd shows that she has a big boo boo. Both of her parents flip out. Mommy shows that she is an absolute treasure trove of bizarre knowledge. Daddy lays down the law. Mommy and Syd's hair looks good. Daddy gets ahold of alcohol on the train and starts to drink. Mommy looks at it longingly and Daddy shares. Daddy says he can read Mommy's mind. Mommy says, nuh uh, I can do that. Daddy says she's thinking of the toaster. Mommy nods in surprise. Syd looks between her parents in awe, knowing that her parents are way not going to share the alcohol with her. She begs them to tell her that the toaster isn't some bizarre sexual joke, and Daddy tells the tale of toast and alcohol and fire and smoke and sundaes, leaving out the mad sex on the kitchen table. They meet a cute little Indian man who is all, Dude? Is this your little girl? Oh, my god! He brags about you like whoa! Syd's all interested and Daddy's like, stop blowing my emotional cover, dude. Syd calls Vaughn, who inhales for the first time in twelve hours. She says that some people go miniature golfing with their parents, some go to therapy, some go to Europe to go to museums, and she goes to India to look for nukes. The beard, Daddy and Mommy come out. Daddy and the beard bicker with Mommy. The Indian dude and Syd look embarrassed. Syd tells Daddy and the beard to chillax and says that Daddy and the beard are in charge of getting them to the place, Mommy's in charge in the place, and Daddy and the beard are in controll on the way home, does everyone understand? The beard raises a tentative hand. Daddy slaps it down. Daddy tells Syd that she, the beard and him are in the front seat and Mommy's in the grain bin. Syd looks at him like he's crazy. He dares her to challenge him, and the beard starts smoking. Syd meeps, "Can she breathe in there?" "Does it matter?" replies the beard. The beard ditches the Bristows when the filter clogs like Mommy said it would. Daddy is afraid of Mommy without his beard but he's proud of Syd. Mommy has memorized the landmine pattern. Again, she is the weirdest person ever. Sark is definitely the son of Sloane. Dude wants 100 mill for Em. Mommy asks Syd how school is going. Syd says that she'd be writing her dissertation if Mommy hadn't suggested they go antiquing this afternoon and the car hadn't broken down. Daddy tells them to quit the jibber jabber and oh snap guys with guns are there. They blow a hole in Daddy, who, lucky for him, lands on a landmine. Vaughn wants to go to India, can he go, please please please please please? Kendall says yes, and Vaughn's about to beg again when he's all, seriously? Are you getting rid of me? Mommy is amazingly good with directions and maps. She's like, crazy bright. It's eerie. Daddy is mean to her about betrayal and Mommy yells at him that she was a PRISONER there because the KGB thought that she was a TRAITOR because she loved HIM, YOU IDIOT! Daddy is properly guilted. The family splits and promises to meet for dinner on E deck in an hour. Sloane goes to the evil dudes' club and tells them that dudes have gotten and reanimated Emily. The leader's all, dude, we'll pay for Em, but, like, you still gotta off her when you get her back. Daddy and Baby meet up and assume the best about Mommy. Bad men with guns appear and Mommy is up to no good. Cuvee is like, Mommy's Simon. Marshall dances about how cool he is and eee Emily's dead for real, like Syd was as a Uzbek! ee! Syd cries in her cell as Daddy gets beaten up/tortured by Mommy and Cuvee. Cuvee says that he wondered if Daddy would be suspicious about a woman as gorgeous as Mommy wanting to marry a dude like him. The world at large wonders how he can question a sex god. Syd flips out and cries s'more. She is the poster child for domestic violence. Sark calls Cuvee about Rambo. Mommy gave Daddy keys, yay. Vaughn's in India and looks like his Daddy, yay. He uses emotional blackmail to get his way, yay. He gets a chopper and a pilot, yay! Syd and Daddy escape. Syd calls Vaughn, Vaughn's gone. Syd envisions him and Alice having a nice, normal, romantic dinner at some little Italian place and drinking... and talks to Kendall. Kendall says the place that they're at? Yeah, it's about to get blown up. Daddy tells Kendall that they ain't leavin' without Mommy and if they die, they die. He's so cool. The nukes they were looking for were really proof of Rambaldi's endless life, gag me with a spoon. There is a bunch of noise about a little yellow orchid plant that had me thinking of Rambaldi's Emily (hee, Tess). Things start blowing up. Mommy kicks Cuvee and they get the flower and run out. Syd is ecstatic to see Vaughn's leg. Sparks fly as Vaughn helps Irina in, not so much with Daddy, and then the nonboyfriend gets to sit next to Syd, squee. Back at home (with her blanket, pillow, mattress and novel), Mommy tells Syd that she had to shoot her back in Taipei because of that bastard, her almost stepdad Cuvee. Mommy lets a single artistic tear flow after Syd calls her 'Mom'. Vaughn is like, Nazi Youth gorgeous, all golden and blonde and light eyed and dude. The flowers are old like whoa. He then hands Syd tickets. Squee, he has bought her, and Will, and Francie (I know, I know) tickets to minigolf. Cut to minigolf course. Syd and Will and Francie are having fun. Vaughn watches from a distance, and Sting's 'Every breath you take' starts to play. Sigh. Theirloveissostalky.

 

Fin.

Comments

[thepodsquad.livejournal.com]

There is a bad moon risin on the Sarkney front.

The song choice is still wrong. :P It just...it's freaky when paired with Sark. Sark is so not Creedence Clearwater Revival.

He thinks of luck and sex in the employee washroom; Syd's thinking of fire and brimstone. And that Sark's a dog. Woof.

When isn't he thinking of luck and sex? ;) Especially when hot women are around. It's his way. And the dog quote never ceases to amuse me. And Sark's all "What-EVer, Sydney, we're co-workers...I'm mostly harmless...only, you know, not."

Syd says that the CIA ain't lately about to let her be Carmen Sandiego. Mommy says that all will be lost if she's not allowed to wear the fedora.

LMAO! Did you ever watch "Where In Time is Carmen Sandiego?"? I can still sing the theme song. I watched it ALL the time when I was little. And SpyMommy is so Carmen.

She fights people after getting the fingerprints and almost gets shot for real by Dix.

May I just say that I squick EVERY time she breaks the guys wrist. I'm gag. It's terrible.

Will notices and Syd says she's sad because British sonofabitch, Sark- does Will remember him? Er, the dude who tortured him?

That's one of the best Will lines ever. That cocky, British son of a bitch. Gah, Sark SO WAS black back then. Dammit. *grumbles* At least the old people didn't have much life left to live...he so would've ended up killing WIll without thinking twice. :P

This earns him brownie points, so Syd dimples him, which gives him the strength to make his Rolex speech. Gom theirloveissomeanttobe. Flipping beepers beep in unison (theirloveissosimultaneous!)

Reverting back to SyVaness. Despite the inherent sappyness of the meaning of the watch her face when he is talking is brilliant. Her eyes get wide and teary and she starts like blinking...and it's like she's wondering if she should stop him before he goes further. It's excellent. And totally keeps the scene from being cheezy. I want a canon ship!

Wonder how many labels he had to send in for that.

OMG! I'm dying! *clutches sides* Oy.

Nothin' like mowing down the enemies to U2.

The music in this episode was SUPER messed up. Walk On should never be paired with machine guns.

Syd shows that she has a big boo boo. Both of her parents flip out. Mommy shows that she is an absolute treasure trove of bizarre knowledge. Daddy lays down the law. Mommy and Syd's hair looks good.

That was sooooo cute. They were like bonding over a scratch their SpyBaby got. And she was like "God, you guys, I'm okay, just limme 'lone." And my hair doesn't look that good when I haven't been near an explosion in the middle of a desert after two days.

She begs them to tell her that the toaster isn't some bizarre sexual joke, and Daddy tells the tale of toast and alcohol and fire and smoke and sundaes, leaving out the mad sex on the kitchen table.

That scene is at the same creepy and incredibly cool and shippy. Because obviously the reason he forgot the toast was sex with SpyMommy...which is way icky for poor Syd. But very "Awww, happy SpyFamily!"

The beard raises a tentative hand. Daddy slaps it down

That was the best beard of all time. It had it's own zipcode.

Syd meeps, "Can she breathe in there?"

Another one of my favourite scenes. The look SpyDaddy gives Syd. It's kinda like "Do I look like I care?"

Cuvee says that he wondered if Daddy would be suspicious about a woman as gorgeous as Mommy wanting to marry a dude like him. The world at large wonders how he can question a sex god.

If you had to choose between Cuvee and SpyDaddy who would you choose? It's not even a question!! Stupidass Cuvee.

The flowers are old like whoa.

Rambaldi was the Martha Stewart of medieval weirdos who are supersmart and make up prophecies that make my brain cry. Today in Rambaldi Living: How to Preserve Flowers. It's a good thing.

[dollsome.livejournal.com]

Oh, you are my hero.

Seriously.

And it could be considered slightly sad and creepy, how much I was looking forward to this. But oh well! And it certainly did not disappoint. :-D (But the MSN version, 'cause otherwise, freaky much?)

[sunshine-queen.livejournal.com]

The song choice is still wrong. :P It just...it's freaky when paired with Sark. Sark is so not Creedence Clearwater Revival.

[Music Director] Oh yes he is! [/Music Director] The writers are on crack all the time, so why not the music people?

LMAO! Did you ever watch "Where In Time is Carmen Sandiego?"? I can still sing the theme song. I watched it ALL the time when I was little. And SpyMommy is so Carmen.

Tata and I played the board game in marathons with her mom. It was so fun.. I loved Carmen Sandiego. I didn't realize she was a bad guy for years. I just thought we were looking for her. Then I got the computer game and got so disillusioned.

May I just say that I squick EVERY time she breaks the guys wrist. I'm gag. It's terrible.

Dude, even Syd squicked and she was in a room with a whole lotta dead people.

That's one of the best Will lines ever. That cocky, British son of a bitch. Gah, Sark SO WAS black back then. Dammit. *grumbles*

*nods* Bad moon.

Reverting back to SyVaness. Despite the inherent sappyness of the meaning of the watch her face when he is talking is brilliant. Her eyes get wide and teary and she starts like blinking...and it's like she's wondering if she should stop him before he goes further. It's excellent. And totally keeps the scene from being cheezy. I want a canon ship!

That scene rocked on. It was so beautiful. And then the damn beepers go off and he's like, 'Kendall' and she goes 'me too' and you SO know that she doesn't just mean that Kendall was on her beeper.

The music in this episode was SUPER messed up. Walk On should never be paired with machine guns.

The writing team gave their trippy logs to the music people! They share!

That was sooooo cute. They were like bonding over a scratch their SpyBaby got. And she was like "God, you guys, I'm okay, just limme 'lone."

And SpyMommy's like, look at this convienently placed bush! Its leaves are used in ancient tribal healing rituals! And you think that SpyDaddy would've been all, dude, lady, get that the hell away from my kid! but noooooo.

And my hair doesn't look that good when I haven't been near an explosion in the middle of a desert after two days.

My hair doesn't look that good period.

That was the best beard of all time. It had it's own zipcode.

I know, it was great.

If you had to choose between Cuvee and SpyDaddy who would you choose? It's not even a question!! Stupidass Cuvee.

Like he was some prize.

Rambaldi was the Martha Stewart of medieval weirdos who are supersmart and make up prophecies that make my brain cry. Today in Rambaldi Living: How to Preserve Flowers. It's a good thing.

*dies* And the reason he was burnt at the stake was for insider trading, not heresy!