(no subject)

[sunshine_queen]

 

Note:

Tonight, the only thing I know about what's going to happen is that Joel comes back (yay!), Emily shows up (DOUBLE PLUS YAY) and it's Jen Garner's directorial debut, et donc I want it to go well and not suck. Oh, and Kerlin calls it, "Irenicon, the movie," so that's what I think. And that the whole wide world's gonna die because of eeeevil Tia Sonia. Or Tia Elena. I happen to like calling her Sonia. Everyone else calls her Sophia. And she's really Elena. Lord almighty. Sobriquets and pseudonyms abound!

... and the music on Lost sounds like Alias music.

... and if I don't get 'Phantom' songs out of my head I'm going to go crazy.

AHHH.

Holy shit. First of all, IT'S A FUCKING RAMBALDI CULT. IN red capes and all. And their first guy? DONNIE STEVENS, from Even Stevens.

Then we see < o > over the gate. Great.

Joel is back! He's so cute and gnome-like! I love him!

Anyway, he chats with the head dude. He made little bees behave differently. IT WAS SO SCARY. I was all, X-FILES! X-FILES! I turned to my sister, horrified, and she was all, I know.

And then orchids. Tess, they had Lucia's favorite flower, can you stand it? Turns out this orchid is VERY SPECIAL and Joel wants it. Everyone says no.

So Joel calls the girl who looks like Sam from Las Vegas, my fave, and they make the mini Red Ball work. And it makes the bees go crazy and attack the monks.

And then Joel steals the orchid and kills the dude.

Back in LA, Daddy is recovered! Syd is adorable and helps her daddy. They mildly gloss over her playing Irina- Sloane's idea, grrr- and him wanting to leave the CIA, and him telling Laura everything. This wasn't a surprise to me, but a big one to her.

Then Nadia peeks in. Meeting. They recap the whole Rambaldi Cult Massacre.

They need to get the orchid and Joel, stat.

Daddy goes to yell at Sloane 'cause everything is all his fault. Sloane knows this, you whiner. Daddy has a cane. It's all his fault, I don't know how.

They need to get everything done in 72 hours, or Daddy's bringing himself and Sloane down through Langley. Dun dun dun.

Commercials.

Shit. So, Dix, Syd, Vaughn and Nadia meet up to chat. They're going to fake everyone out and put some fake Rambo Cult papers up for auction. They send Nadia and Dix out, 'cause Syd's too recognizable.

Anyway, Nadia gets dressed up and damn if she isn't cute. They sit around and lo and behold, there's Sam. Marshall makes a choice comment about her breasts. It was funny.

- Where's Weiss? Dude.

Anyway, Sam's a decoy, Nadia chases her, Dix goes after the real guy. Vaughn blocks their van off, and they wind up all behind the van with guns drawn.

In the van is Joel.

"Marcus!" he exclaims, AND I SCREAM.

Nadia is so cute. She's all, not Dad!

They bring Joel back. He knows EVERYONE. He drinks water like Sloane. Daddy walks in and he exclaims, "Jack!" He knows things only Sloane would know, like the 1985 mission where Daddy chopped off 8 fingers to get info- EW. He knows Syd and Dixon. He says the most logical thing ever- that as Syd and Dix are working with Our Sloane, then Our Sloane must be the imposter, because Joel-Sloane killed their loved ones and ARE YOU FOLLOWING THIS? JJ HAS BEEN FUCKING WITH US FOR YEARS NOW.

Daddy's all, dude. I am not amused. Sloane is even less, but Joel don't know who he is. They only share good looks.

He's Sloane in a PARALLEL UNIVERSE.

I AM SO SCARED IT'S FREAKY.

Commercials.

So, McCullough comes back. FUCKING SCARY MCCULLOUGH FROM SEASON ONE. Oh my god.

Anyway, they realize that Joel was really someone else, but he got brainwashed by ahhh scary McCullough into being Sloane and having his memories. Consequently, he has essentially THE SAME BRAIN AS SLOANE.

Nadia was so cute in this part. She went in to get Jack and gives Joel this look like, you're not my Dad. Go away.

Anyway, Jack puts Vaughn and Dix on McCullough, who's chillin' in Buenos Aires 'cause everyone is this season. Where's Tia Sonia this ep?

Anyway, McCullough chats for a bit, and then puts a package of cyanide in his coffee and drinks, which I totally knew was going to happen.

So, Syd goes in to chat with Joel. He's all, yay, Syd! He talks exactly like Sloane. He speaks down to Syd, he's vaguely inappropriate- and the cincher? Calling Syd "someone [he] love[d]" which is SO VINTAGE SLOANE it frightens me.

Anyway, he's all, we could make the human race nicer and kinder and more loving and we could all watch the Care Bears and be happy forever and no one would die and I could control them all! Syd, it would be so fun!

Syd, meanwhile is ROCKING THE XENA LOOK like no other. It was uncanny. I mean, I know she can look like Lucy Lawless a lot, but dude.

commercials

Jen tried to make me sick this segment with her spinning.

The Apple Gang minus the boys gather in the hallway. Sloane fills Nadia, Syd and Marshall in on the whole water contamination thing- he put in everything else, but couldn't get the nectar from the flower. So now the whole world has that in their system, and once Joel puts in the nectar, the world becomes spineless, teletubby loving drones. Nadia is absolutely horrified and shoots Sloane dozens of accusatory DADDY looks. Syd, meanwhile, realizes from her own Daddy's face that her Daddy is as guilty as Nadia's. She snaps for him to come chat with her.

"DADDY," she snaps, "You knew he was evil and you did nothing, DADDY. You trust Sloane and let him get away with murder. DADDY. You're so dumb, DADDY! You did nothing and that makes you evil and as guilty as him and now you must die, DADDY."

Daddy's all, pipe down, dweeb. We got this.

They come up with another regression idea because Jacquelyn is the key to the orchid's whereabouts and yeah, I don't care. It's Daughters vs. Daddies and whatever.

So, Sloane goes in to be regressed with Daddy in his ears and Nadia is SO MAD. It's adorable. She's so upset that her daddy is a megalomaniac with benign intentions.

Commercials.

The Emily segment. To no one's surprise, Jacquelyn was the baby that Sloane and Emily lost, and yes, I got very emotional.

Syd was her typical adolescent, obnoxious, ignorant self: "Was Jacquelyn a mistress?" and Nadia and Jack look at her like, dude. Have just a few iotas of respect.

Anyway, Amy Irving looked gorgeous. Jacquelyn's heart was too weak and she died and it destroyed Emily. It must've been after Nadia was conceived and Irina left because Emily and Sloane were living abroad.

Nadia is very concerned for Sloane at all time. Even though I hate him being her dad, I love that she loves him. It's cute.

So, they bring this Jacquelyn info to Joel and bombard him with these painful memories. He snaps and says that he's some corporal Ned Bulges, or something, and he tells them that the flower's in Switzerland. Then he's all Arvin Clone and like, Sydney? Don't let Jack do this to me! And then he's Corporal, saying that they can't torture POW.

Meanwhile, Sloane is not leaving his regression-ness. Nadia is very concerned. Go in and wake your Daddy up, baby. it's okay.

She was so distraught to hear Sloane crying about his other baby. Not her. The one he loved, the one he had with Emily. Don't worry, Nadia! I love you!

Commercials.

OH MY GOD NEXT WEEK VAUGHN PROPOSES OH MY GOD.

Okay, but first:

So, Jacquelyn was the catalyst that made Sloane into a Rambophile. He almost stayed with Emily and Jacquelyn to die of happiness, but Nadia was adorable and loving and she teared up and brought him back and yay.

He's going to be good! He's going to atone!

(I love you, Sloane! Evil or good!)

Next week:

Syd is a beautiful woman with fur who is rough with Vaughn!

Syd sees Mommy!

Vaughn talks like a badfic character and calls Syd "Sydney Bristow" as he PROPOSES.

Two-hour event from HEAVEN.

.... so, um, what happened with the water and the people? Where was Tia Sonia? WHERE WAS WEISS?

Comments

[kerlin.livejournal.com]

THE RING. AND THE PROPOSAL. AND THE IRINA.

DEAD.

[sunshine-queen.livejournal.com]

I KNOW.

(Dude. The cable just went out. If it had gone out an hour ago... I WOULD'VE MISSED THE PREVIEW.)

[kerlin.livejournal.com]

THE HORROR!!!

[dollsome.livejournal.com]

Duuuude. Where was Weiss?? The world is empty without him.

DONNIE. I died. I was just . . . 'No, that . . . surely that can't be . . . but it is . . . Donnie Stevens?!' This is just like Poppa Stevens showing up on X-Files. Except for the part where Donnie was A RAMBALDI MONK. Oh, yes.

Cloane was so Sloane, and it was bizarre and creepy and mind-blowing and wonderful. Sniff. I shall miss poor Ned.

Emily and Sloane like to crush my soul. I don't even know how many times they've done it by now. But my soul? Smooshed.

DUDE. I was so surprised that they put the proposal in the promo. I don't know why. I just . . . was. Anyway. We all know what's really important. IRINA IRINA IRINA IRINA IRINA. (I may not stop randomly doing this all throughout the week. IRINA. See? It's a compulsion now. IRINA.)

[cryssa.livejournal.com]

And their first guy? DONNIE STEVENS, from Even Stevens.

I hecka love Donnie.

And I watched about 30 seconds tonight before my brother turned the channel. Syd was talking and their was an old guy (not SpyDaddy) and Nadia. Very interesting stuff.