Madeline Explains It All.

[sunshine_queen]

15 Things To Do When Your Air Conditioner Breaks On Memorial Day Weekend and You Live In MIAMI FLORIDA.

1) Make sure you wear your lightest pyjamas. Even if it's a really slutty little cotton nightie you haven't worn since you were fourteen because it makes you look like trailer trash inspite of the cutesy rosebud print on it.

2) Only sleep with your sheets covering you. Even if you sleep with your sheets, a quilt, and a down comforter every night of your freaking life, for the love of god, START WITH ONLY THE SHEETS. You can pull up the quilt if you need to, but if you start out hot, it's a bitch to get cool.

3) DO NOT NAP. If you nap, this will impede your ability to sleep at night, when you're supposed to sleep. And spending an hour awake in bed is not advisable when you're hot.

4) Make use of fans. Leave them on in your room. Make sure they're on as high as they can go in the room you're in. Get portable fans, make them stationary, and turn them on as high as they go, pointed at you.

5) Make use of tile floors. Through some miracle, they are always cold. Lie on them. Lie on them with your shirt pulled up so your stomach touches the tile; lie on them with your shirt pulled up so your back touches the tile.

6) Do not eat fattening, rich ice cream. It will make you feel fat and, consequently, hotter.

7) Take a shower at about 75º cooler than you normally would. Getting goosebumps in the shower means you are slightly more prepared to deal with the sauna awaiting you outside the bathroom door.

8) Shave your legs. Even though shaving creme feels like a snorkel suit, it's worth it.

9) Dress in more cool clothes. Yes, those light little yellow boxers from Abercrombie that are hardly worth wearing. Yes, that stupid little tank top that's black and white and pink and red and blue and ugly. This is not a fashion show, this is survival!

10) Your hair is not your friend. Savagely use hair elastics, clips and bobby pins as necessary. The less touching you, the better.

11) Drink water.

12) Do not watch movies and/or episodes of television which take place in tropical/desert locations. As these actors/actresses will undoutably look gorgeous in such heat while you look like a slob, you will culture an animosity towards them that you would ordinarily find inconceivable.

13) Do things slowly. If you rush, you get sweaty, and if you get sweaty, you're screwed.

14) Open all the windows, wide and high. Bonus points if it has just stopped raining. The earth is cooler, even if your house isn't.

15) Think Cold Thoughts.

ETA: Goddammit, Jess, now I'm singing "What's still unwritten" due to your DAMN ICON.

Comments

[ravenclaw-devi.livejournal.com]

Thanks, I can use that guide right now. *lives in a house that doesn't have AC*

[dollsome.livejournal.com]

Thank God I live in Alaska.

[beccabee.livejournal.com]

16. go swimming?

[xenaamber.livejournal.com]

I love when you're miserable, because you're so damn funny about it. *giggles* I hope you get the AC fixed!

Dude, listen to the TBS soundtrack -- I so want to now, and I didn't when I posted the icon. Sing about the ducks and goats and geese with me. :D

[cryssa.livejournal.com]

Hahaha. Poor Madi. One time the air conditioning broke when I was in VA during the summer. Dear God, the humity! I almost died.