I love Will.

[sunshine_queen]

Request #1

for thepodsquad

Challenge: Will. Gelatinous.

 

A Matter of Taste.

 

Will Tippin has been called the Human Trash Compactor. He is known to eat anything, at anytime, of any origin, without compunction. Tripe? No big.  Three-day old burrito from Sanchito's reheated and consumed at midnight? No effect on his stomach of iron. Lucky Charms in milk two days past its expiration date? Not a problem.

But this was out of his realm.

"I don't know what this is," he announces to no one in particular. "And I don't think it would've had time to grow since this morning."

He's at Syd's house, because it's lunch, and because he spends most of his time there anyway. People (Syd, Francie) have asked him why he even bothers to have his own apartment, because he only goes over there to sleep. "We're going to have to start charging you for room and board," Fran said, "Or you're going to need to start buying groceries."

"Syd eats as much as I do!" He had protested. Syd had looked up and given him a look that could cut glass. "I," she had said witheringly, "Have discerning taste. You have no taste."

"Oh, Syd," he says now, "I refuse to eat this."

The object in question was... oddly shaped, and appeared to have something in it. It was firm, but it wiggled. When poked, the utensil would sink in and return with a film of gelatinous goo.

It was also kelly green.

He knew where he had seen this before.

He carefully moves the fork he had been using and runs it under the faucet, as hot as it'll go. Once it had been scalded, he drops it and goes to call the only person he knows that can handle this.

"Syd, there's alien blood in your refrigerator."

"Excuse me?"

"Alien blood. In a formation. It's like, an alien uterus of coagulated alien blood."

"Will, what have you been watching?"

"Syd, I'm not kidding! I'm freaked out! Aliens are going to be born in your fridge and you don't care?"

"No more watching The X-Files before you go to bed, and no, I do not need another lecture on the beauty of Gillian Anderson."

"If I called her she'd know what to do."

"Close the refrigerator-"

" - did it."

" - and hide in the living room."

"Doing that."

"You're so brave."

"When you get abducted in your sleep..."

"I'll be sorry. Bye, Will."

"Bye."

Will wonders if there really is an X-Files. If he calls the FBI- can you call the FBI?- would they put him through to some small office in the substructure of some FBI building?

More importantly, would the female part of this team be beautiful?

"In my death," Will says grimly, "Gillian Anderson comes."

Who knows- alien blood might be a delicacy on some planet.

Comments

[puggywuggy.livejournal.com]

First off, YOU HAVE NO SHAME. This fact amuses me like you would never believe. :P

And I think your true verbal talent shines through with THIS line:

an alien uterus of coagulated alien blood.

I loved this; it was adorable. I giggled insanely at the lovely X-Files jokes. And yes, Gillian Anderson is beautiful--Will has taste, yes indeedy.

[sunshine-queen.livejournal.com]

I have no idea where this fic came from, but I was laughing hysterically as I wrote it. I'm so glad you were able to tell me about the alien blood being green. Why it became an alien uterus... I don't know. I think because it sounds funny.

[allthingsholy.livejournal.com]

Aw, cute. I love Will. He would amuse Scully, I think.

Me likes a whole lot. (I say again, your request may kill me. But I shall persevere. In my death, Walter Skinner comes. (No, I can't explain the love, it's just THERE, okay?)

[sunshine-queen.livejournal.com]

DUDE. I LOVE SKINNER.

Then again, I love everyone on that show. I love CSM. I love everyone on most shows.

('Cept Weiss. Haaaaate Weiss.)

Thanks for reading! It was a ball to write. I love Will.

[dollsome.livejournal.com]

Hahahaha! Oh my God, I love you. And Will. And alien blood.

[sunshine-queen.livejournal.com]

I just adore Will. He's so much fun to write.

And the alien blood came from out of nowhere. And talking to Nica.

[thepodsquad.livejournal.com]

Man, I so totally love you. I didn't have any idea what you would do with my request. But man, this is just fabulous and hilarious. And I couldn't really eat Jello before, but now I won't be able to see it without trying to convince someone that it's alien uterus.

[sunshine-queen.livejournal.com]

Dude. I was just, gelatinous... stuff in a fridge... "Nica, is there anything like goo related to aliens in XF?"

[non-horation.livejournal.com]

LMAO, this is so cute. I love your Will.

[sunshine-queen.livejournal.com]

Thanks! I love Will.