War of the Coprophages

[sunshine_queen]

I will begin this entry by saying I live in South Florida, which means that all bugs, large and small, make their way into all houses, clean or dirty. It's just the way of things. And there ain't no way around it. Especially if your house is the only one on your block with a big ole crawlspace underneath, and your bedroom is the only one the previous idiot tenants decided to put carpets down on before putting on the baseboards, which means that when we ripped up the carpet to get to the original hardwood floors, there is about an eighth of an inch between the floor and the baseboard, so, hello, creepy crawlies.



I don't mind bugs as a general rule. I'm not too thrilled over them, and when surprised by them, I might shriek a bit, and if there is a roach on the floor I will do everything in my power to make sure they don't scurry over my feet- but I won't scream or anything. They're bugs, they're one zillionth of me, and they're pretty dumb. No big.

Last night, I signed offline. I went into my room, turned on the lights, put on my creams and stuff, and went to the bathroom to brush my teeth. Came back, and turned on the bedside light. Then, because I'm paranoid about roaches, I threw back my covers.

For the record, the sheets were a couple of days old. There was nothing on the sheets.

Nothing on the sheets but about FIVE HUNDRED MEDIUM SIZED ANTS.

I am so not joking.

I started flicking at them somewhat frantically, thinking, surely, must have left a corpse or something in my bed, or there must be some sort of bodily fluid from someone other than myself in bed- but no. Nothing. So I flicked and I smushed and I searched, but nothing. No logical explanation for the presence of ants in my bed- OTHER THAN I LIVE IN SOUTH FLORIDA. Which is not so comforting.

So I get new sheets and remake my bed and change my pillow cases and scan my stuffed animals within an inch of their lives to assure myself of their lack of contamination... and then turned off the lights.

As I laid there, completely thanking god that (A) I just don't get into bed without opening it up first, because OH MY GOD EW, (B) That they weren't the little tiny ants, or I'd still be picking them off and (C) Thanking MERCIFUL JESUS CHRIST MY LORD AND SAVIOR that they weren't cockroaches, because I would've actually up and died and gone to sleep in the living room, I realize that I might actually be in an episode of the X-Files, and that a GIANT ant of the same family might come and eat me. I placated myself by thinking that I could probably take a really big ant.


So, today I fought with my dad and cleaned the computer desk (which is so clean and neat that I actually am kinda panicky about it) and my bedroom. And then I went to go see "Walk the Line."



It was so, so amazing.

Like, I know a little about Cash- mostly because I got bizarrely excited about this movie for no good reason and started reading up on Cash and waiting for the release- and the movie, as far as I know, did a good job. Joaquin's and Reese's voices were amazing, and so were their performances. People keep crying Oscar Bait, and they're totally right. The movie made me laugh, it made me cry, it made me think, and it made me hum along. It was a little long, but it was really worth it. Seriously, go see it.


I'm all alooooooone.

Comments

[snapplesons.livejournal.com]

Oh, Commet. THE SAME THING HAPPENS TO ME! Especially, coz my neighborhood is like in a outdoorsy type area. Like Wellington is way *not* rural, but my neighborhood is hidden and excluded and off by itself. There are alligators frequently in the canal behind my house and at night, it's not too unusual to see very large rats or big raccoons (and sometimes baby foxes) cross the street in front of your car. Snakes and large frogs are also common.

[sunshine-queen.livejournal.com]

Oh, Commet, you understand! Yay Florida Girls!

[cryssa.livejournal.com]

That is something beyond disgusting. I, needless to say, am really not good with bugs. In the slightest. I commend you for not flipping out.