Syd Brings Down the Alliance and Wins the Guy

[sunshine_queen]

Because I'm afraid of people killing me about another damn long post to scroll through- I cut.

Because I'm afraid of people killing me about another damn long post to scroll through- I cut.

2.13-  Phase One
The One Where Everything Goes Down (except for Syd)

Syd is back in black. Garters and stockings and rods, oh my! Bad boy! This fattie with a shrimp cocktail says he doesn't like the black look, even though it matches the soundtrack. So she changes into this red ensemble. She comes out with a sneer on her face. Fattie has like, a round bed with a fur coverlet, ew. Syd looks longingly out a window. Fattie attempts seduction. Syd chokes him and bitches about her wardrobe, and, the crux of this scene: Server 47. Oh a comp. There's gear under bed for Syd. She changes and her hair looks pretty. The plane is really ugly and whorehouse-ish. She opens a closet and lo, parachuting gear. Behold, a bad guy. Syd kicks his ass. Fattie suddenly appears with a gun and shoots at Syd... ... and 24 hours ago, Lenny is warbling about American Women. Syd, unbulleted, runs through a park. She waves and is generally friendly. She goes inside and acts bitter to Vaughn about people picnicking on a weekday. Kendall's snappish. Vaughn wants to whisper (eee). He is very earnest and cute (eee). Strings of UST start twanging. Syd insists on having things spelled out. In short: Vaughn less-than-threes her like she wouldn't believe (eee). Whoa is he intense (EEE!) Syd is stunned and mutual intenseness occurs. Vaughn says that the sick joke of all this is that the forces that brought them together are the ones keeping them apart, boo. Nay, says I, the sick joke is the whole Grecian Tragedy of Mommy's killing Papa Vaughn, but whatever. Syd eees about them not working together anymore, and Vaughn says, nein, we're great together! Before they reach a denouement, Weiss comes in, calls them on their flirting and christens the corner that and makes them leave. Both smile. Kendall recaps us on SD-6. Mommy? Where are you? I miss you. Syd and Daddy are spotlighted in their coolness. Turns out this new dude, Geiger, has replace MIA Sloane, who is off somewhere being a SEXY BEAST. Daddy says that there is never an end to the story, so ha on you, Miss I-walk-by-Christmas-2001. Geisha creeps everyone out at SD-6, including Dix, wow. Syd goes and introduces herself. Come in, says Geisha, and tell me about Danny. Low blow, dude. Syd exposits. Geisha thinks Syd is stupid for coming back because, dude? They killed Danny Boy. Geisha obviously forgot company policy on abandonment. Syd claims semper fi. Sark is all, yo, dawg, wassup? Syd swats him away. Sark makes vaguely sexual remarks. Syd snaps that she is fully strung. I die laughing. Sark exposits how Geisha is like, a neo nazi. Oh, says Syd, joy. More expositing about, gasp, Server 47, caps and all. Syd lightbulbs and goes to make Daddy proud. Daddy, instead, is suspicious. He thinks it's too easy. Vaughn says that Server 47 doesn't exist on terra firma, it flies. All the time. It lives on a "really nice plane" with Fattie and a few guards. Why does Fattie do this? Because he gets sex for it, and with his bod, it's a fair trade. How is Syd going to get on the really nice plane? Oh, guess. Vaughn quickly tells her she's not going to have to do anything. We jump to "Over The Atlantic". Gee, could we vague it up a little, JJ? The BFFs chitchat about cologne and good smellingness. The nonboyfriend vows to kill Fattie because he gets to see Syd in lingerie.  Weiss is all, chillax. Bet you smell better than Fattie. Syd attack, Vaughn is proud. Blah blah, Syd fights, we get to see the beginning again, Syd kicks all sorts of ass, Vaughn instructs her and it's Revenge of the Fattie, only he misses. Syd decides now would be a good time to eff with cabin pressure and blows holes in the window. Vaughn says, and I quote, "No... NO NO NO!" As in, bad plan. The door flies away and the first dude flies out, and it looks like Syd killed the plane. Fattie goes flying. Syd fights air and gravity and the BFFs nearly die of heart attacks. Syd gets gear and flies off safety... over land. The hell? 'OVER THE ATLANTIC'?  Weiss says Syd is allllll Vaughn's. Francie and Will kill lobsters slowly and excruciatingly to celebrate the damn RESTAURANT. Will quits working for Francie to work for <the CIA>. Francie's all, yay, a job! And lays one on him. And then they start making out. Ew. Syd stalks in and eee excitingness, Alliance collapse is imminent. Kendall and Syd operate. Much work must be done quickly. At the restaurant of martyred lobsters, Will and Francie flirt bizarrely. Really. Will talks about this dude making eyes at Fran. The hell? Syd agrees and both spill: they made out, dude. Syd is all, oh, my, and Will bails. Back at almost ground zero, that creepy McCullough dude shows up. Geisha wants to read Sloane email. Syd wants the dirt on Frill kisses. She promises teasing. McCreepy shows Geisha that Sloane knew about the double agentry. Daddy comes to work blithely and Geisha is all nice, but like, not. Daddy calls Syd and is all, hey, sweet pea, the new boss wants to meet you and [code]DON'T COME HE'S GOING TO KILL US BOTH![/code] Syd snarfles, Okay, and starts crying. Vaughn is like, codes? Syd? And Syd meeps about how Daddy is so made and SO SO SO dead.  The nonboyfriend comforts. Daddy is back in the torture room. Geisha attempts wit and starts spreading lubricant on Daddy's legs. Ho-yay, anyone? Daddy is like, uber zen.  He's all, dude, don't you remember such and such event? Geisha's all, holy snap, you're right- and that chick with the club foot- and they both laugh. Oh. It was a bachelor party. Great. Geisha's all, dude. We like, shared whores and drank beer together. I don't wanna do this. Spill. Daddy refuses. Geisha turns on The Machine from The Princess Bride. Syd calls Will and tells him, go on, take the money and run. Or Fran. Either way. Vaughn tells Syd she can way not go back to SD-6 because he is SO NOT letting her die before he nails her. Syd's like, dude, I ain't dying without experiencing carnal bliss with you. So we go to the Oil Field where she Told Danny The Truth. Dix drives up and is all, Syd! Syd starts talking and Dix is concerned with her sanity. He flips quietly. Syd starts crying about Daddy being deadified and Dix yells. So Syd yells back. Dix has an expressive face. Syd exposits. Dix is conflicted and betrayed. Dix goes back to SD-6 and is conflicted s'more. He logs in and OH MY GOD SYD WAS RIGHT! EFF! Vaughn and Syd and Weiss sit around the comp, waiting for Dix not to be an ass. Despite the urgency of the situation, Dix dallies, dialing Diane. He loves Diane. Diane loves him. Diane is SO going to die. Finally he sends the email and YAY the Alliance is going DOWN like a $10 hooker in an alley. All sorts of hell breaks loose. They start missioning. They're all in black and Vaughn looks yummy. It's an international raid on bad guys around the world. SyVa glance at one another meaningfully. Big Explorers squeal. Vaughn cuts camera cords. Geisha tortures Daddy some more. The gang runs fast and does all sorts of covert stuff.  They start moving in while Marshall the Oblivious offers pigs in blankets to Dix, who is a study of conflict. Cue the calm before the storm. The comes the shooting and the fighting. I heart toques, by the way. Syd runs down the hair and peels her toque off and her hair streams impressively. More fighting. Geisha is about to off Daddy for real.  Syd shoots Geisha in the chest and then is all shakey and Daddy? Daddy says he's okay, sweetheart. CIA medic comes in. Syd goes back. Marshall is all, Dix? DIX? And Dixon is like, pissed. Dix hates worried Syd. Syd decides not to dwell because at that moment she and Vaughn, in the words of Greg Grunberg, are all Tony and Maria across the wreckage (EEE!) They stare intensely across the room and then they cross and wow. The kissing is beautiful. Weiss doesn't even make a dent in their own little world when he announces that all is good and the Alliance is dead.  Instead of ending the episode on that happy note, we go, instead, to Sark calling Sloane, because he somehow engineered the entire scheme from his realm of SEXY BEASTness with Emily. He asks if the new girl is settled in. New girl? Let's find out. We go to the Restaurant. Francie doesn't look right. Oh, because it's NOTFRANCIE. And real Francie is way dead. Sob.

Comments

[dollsome.livejournal.com]

Hee! You are my hero. Seriously.

[thepodsquad.livejournal.com]

This fattie with a shrimp cocktail says he doesn't like the black look, even though it matches the soundtrack. So she changes into this red ensemble. She comes out with a sneer on her face. Fattie has like, a round bed with a fur coverlet, ew.

May I just say that even getting that close to an obviously drunk man who's been ingesting massive amounts of seafood is deserving of an award. And his bed always reminded me of the first Austin Powers movie. "Do I make you horny baby? Do I?"

Fattie suddenly appears with a gun and shoots at Syd... ... and 24 hours ago, Lenny is warbling about American Women

They must've had way more money in season 2 for music liscensing. Some of season one's music is positively painful. Then in season two they're breaking out the Lenny, U2, AC/DC...it was startling.

Sark is all, yo, dawg, wassup? Syd swats him away. Sark makes vaguely sexual remarks. Syd snaps that she is fully strung. I die laughing. Sark exposits how Geisha is like, a neo nazi. Oh, says Syd, joy. More expositing about, gasp, Server 47, caps and all.

I love that scene. Sark is so strangely not completely evil acting. It's cute.

Weiss says Syd is allllll Vaughn's.

I love that line. Poor Weiss, like he ever had a chance in the first place. *thwacks Vaughn*

Daddy calls Syd and is all, hey, sweet pea, the new boss wants to meet you and [code]DON'T COME HE'S GOING TO KILL US BOTH![/code] Syd snarfles, Okay, and starts crying. Vaughn is like, codes? Syd? And Syd meeps about how Daddy is so made and SO SO SO dead.

That scene is SO sad. And you just know that Vaughn thought she had temporarily gone completely insane. And she's all "My daddy..*sniffle*...he's gonna diiiiiiie *wails*." And Vaughn's all "WOOHOO! Opening for hugs!"

Geisha attempts wit and starts spreading lubricant on Daddy's legs.

Is it wrong that that TOTALLY freaks me out. He's like "ooooh, your legs are tres soft, Jackums, I'm going to lotion them for you *invisible beard stroke*"

Geisha turns on The Machine from The Princess Bride.

Weren't there nipple cups in The Princess Bride version? If so, I for one am happy it wasn't exactly the same. :P

The kissing is beautiful. Weiss doesn't even make a dent in their own little world when he announces that all is good and the Alliance is dead.

That WAS cute. Weiss was like "*snap snap* HEllllloooooooooo?" and they were all "*running tongues down the other's throat*". Totally lost to the world. Which had the potential to be very dangerous. But I suppose of all the ways to die, kissing Vaughn wouldn't be so bad.