Teh Episode of SpySex

[sunshine_queen]

Today I episodized. I'm sure you're all thrilled.

2.14- Double Agent
Pop Goes the Weasel

Previously on Alias they took down SD-6, Real Francie died and NotFrancie came, and Syd and Vaughn made out. I have decided to use paragraphs today.

We're in Berlin. Oh, wait, I remember this ep. You see feet and sheets and think, holy crap, did JJ gyp us of Their First Time? But no, it's only Olivia D'Abo and GOM it's Mr. Great Expectations! There is the strings of omnicouple romance, previously used with Sloane and Emily. God he's hot. They talk about Fiji. He goes to shower and Olivia goes into SpyMode, complete with SpyMusic. She dresses and starts an email saying to abort the mission. She hears a noise. Rather than send the incomplete message and maybe give whoever she's emailing a clue, she gets her gun and goes to find Ethan. The shower is still running, but nobody's home. Donde esta the hot one? Sheeeeyit. There is music of doom. Ethan punches her.

Ethan gets n the phone and says that he's compromised. He is on the phone with one SEXY BEAST. Hi Sloane. Sloane tells him to make a statement with Olivia. Oh boy.

SD-6. It's seen better days, really. Syd has just come in from a run... again. I swear, she uses that excuse just to wear those little tops. She looks very focused. Eee, there's Vaughn, and he's in a Blue Oxford. Ahh, her middrift! Hee. His Sydney Sense tingles and he goes to talk to Syd. There are big smiles. She said she had to come and make sure it wasn't a dream... and took a run. Who rocks on? Me.

She asks about Dix and Marshall. Nope, still in debrief. They'll be in there forever, actually. Sloane's in trouble, supposedly. You know, if they could find him at his little secluded House Of Love on a Philippinean beach. Syd wonders about Teh Kiss and The Bland One. Vaughn tells her that The Bland One was So Yesterday this morning. Mmhmm. And yes, I did say that. Syd squees. Vaughn squees. There are hearts and big smiles. She's very excited to get to use the CIA's front door. Vaughn's more interested in carpooling because traffic is a bitch. More squeeing.

And we're back with Ethan in Berlin. Tires squeal and Olivia gets tossed out of a truck. My, she's pasty. Many Berliners run, because, you know, they figured out that she's covered in C4 before anyone else, and no, it doesn't say C4 on it everywhere.

Back in LA, there's a new pointless character that doesn't even have the dignity to be killed off. She's just there and pointless. Pointless meets everyone.

In Berlin, the German SWAT team moves in on Olivia. Aww, she's pretty, standing there wrapped in explosives. In LA, everyone's all, dude, she's ours! That's Agent Wallace! Olivia looks mighty sad. Ethan tells 'Emma' that she's doing fine and God, he's hot. JJ has the smallest name base of all time. Laura, Lauren. Emma, Emily. Julia, Julian. The many Daniels and Dannys. The Bills and Wills of Wiliam. Mm. Ethan.

Olivia cries.  Syd speaks German, right? Right. Vaughn is looking at Olivia on the screen like she was once his girlfriend or something. Hee. That'd be so funny.

Olivia sings 'Pop Goes the Weasel' and- and I know I am sick and twisted- I die laughing. That is like, one of the best lines of all time on Alias. And wow, Regina's right, she does have a wicked overbite.

The Alias people spring for subtitles and lo, the German CIA officer says he's handling the problem and stop nagging him, woman. Olivia says 'Pop'. Ethan obliges. Olivia pops.

Syd snarfles. Pointless goes to hurl. Syd and Pointless share a moment in the ladies' room. Does this mean that Pointless isn't going to show up again? One could only hope.

Blah blah, Kendall missions and the plot is shown. Syd has a CIA mug. That's so cute. Syd and Vaughn are going to Cayo Concha. Where the hell is that? I actually looked it up and every result that came back had to do with Alias, so I think they made it up. Bastards. Syd's all, who am I after? And Kendall shows her a pic of Ethan. And Oh. My. God. Yum.

AND OH MY GOD, IT'S THE APT.!

Vaughn knocks on the door. Syd opens with a smile. They both squee. He likes The Apt. Of course he does. She wants a new couch. Really? Naaaah. They smooch. NotFrancie shows up.

See, this is the part that ticks me off. Because RealFrancie would've been like, male? A male that is NOT WILL IN THE APT. (where was Will this episode, anyway?) ?! And then Syd's all giddy and like, Francie, it's Michael, meaningful look. From the bank. And NotFrancie is all Stepford Wife and like, nice to meet you. And Syd's behind Vaughn like, dude. DUDE. It's MICHAEL. From the BANK. She's pointing and smiling and it's really cute but NotFrancie is all like, yeah, nice to meet you. Syd walks out slightly bewildered.

The island paradise that doesn't exist. We're at a resort. Syd swims and emerges in a blue bikini and oh my god. In my next life, I'm begging to come back in her body.  Because- wow. Like, seriously. We exposit with a fully dressed SyVa on a plane but, dude? Jen Garner is in a blue bikini and is really wet and wow, am I totally drooling over a girl? Whoa. I'm straight, I swear.

Syd wraps a sarong around her waist and this skeevy dude starts following her. Syd undoes and starts removing her top. Skeevy thinks that this was in invitation, so he follows her into the little tent thing. And oh look, it's Vaughn, who is looking mighty scrumptious in a Blue Oxford. Syd runs out and somehow her top is back together again. They smack him around and Vaughn injects him none-too-gently with a cardio toxin that'll make him have a heart attack. So nice. Ethan- Good Ethan- is in Room 47. Syd looks at Vaughn like, forty-seven. My god. Someone is having too much fun at our expense.

Suddenly Syd is dressed and blonde. I am not digging the wig, either. GE is getting tortured and there are needles going into his eyes! Having had my retina scraped with a scapel, I can say that it's an extremely eerie experience with topical anesthesia, so I can't imagine what a NEEDLE in your EYE without ANYTHING would be like. Not so nice, the needles.

Syd bursts in and saves him and knocks the baddies out. Good Ethan is in this hot wifebeater and whining how he can't see. Durh, dude. Relax. Syd takes a whiff of the stuff they were putting into his eyes and immediately deduces that it's a light reactant thing, meaning he could go blind unless she puts bandages over his eyes. Er, Syd? You knew that by smell? Damn.

In some other room, Skeevy is being rude to Vaughn. Vaughn is rude back and knocks him out after downloading something. Good Ethan asks about Olivia. Syd is quiet and oh no bad guys! Syd almost gets dead by a baddie's knife but Good Ethan earns his moniker and risks his eyesight to aim a gun and kill the bad guy. Yay. On ze plane, Syd plays nurse to Ethan. V enters and oh wow, Syd is the luckiest girl in the world. She's on a private jet with Good Ethan and Vaughn. Syd asks Vaughn what he thinks about Good Ethan, and she doesn't want his opinion on how hot he is. Vaughn babbles about mind reconditioning and brain washing and the like. Then he walks away again. Er. Okay.

Good Ethan totally picks up on Syd's lack of blondness and then thanks Syd for thanking him and oh, hey, what's up with that chick that's my partner? You know, Olivia? Syd snarfles and gently says, um, Jim... Emma's dead." Like, no one knows how to soften a blow like Syd Bristow.  Good Ethan is stunned.

In LA, Kendall is nice to GE. GE talks about the mission gone bad. Apparently no one realizes that there's an Evil Ethan lurking about too. Kendall asks if GE wants to add anything. Oh yeah, he does. He and Olivia were totally engaged. Chew on THAT.

Syd automatically loves GE and she and Vaughn share this look like, oh, bother.

Pointless is with Weiss, watching the tape that used to make her cry. Weiss asks if she likes Italian. Pointless says she has a boyfriend. WHY ARE YOU STEALING PRECIOUS MOMENTS FROM MY CHARACTERS? Weiss sighs and says he does too. I love Weiss.

Speaking of boyfriends, here comes Vaughn. Vaughn is suspicious of there being an Evil Ethan, or something. Pointless and Weiss start going over videos and oh, look, Pointless figures something out. Couldn't Weiss have done that? Why, JJ, Why?

Syd and The Mom Mobile go to see GE in the safehouse. GE is not doing so well. He's drinking. He talks about Olivia and her aliases and Syd can totally relate. Syd feels his pain. She brings up Danny Boy. Awwww.  She uses a poorly constructed sentence to talk about rather feeling grief and pain than nothing at all. GE isn't so keen on that idea and drinks s'more.

And then he kisses Syd.

And I thought that was fanon.

Syd is all, notice: I am not kissing you back. Which sucks for Jen Garner. She gets kissed by Ethan Hawke and she can't kiss him back. GE pulls back and apologizes.

CIA dudes come and start yelling that they want GE. Syd's all, the hell? GE takes them down. Syd's all, the hell? GE tells her to go. Syd's all, 'kay then, I'm audi and then she kicks him down ("Dude." "Jesus!") CIA dudes get 'em.

Since Syd is all ? she goes to talk to Daddy and Vaughn. They talk some nonsense about doubles. Vaughn's all, I know it sounds crazy, and exposits. And then they show the footage of Evil Ethan blowing up Olivia. Oops. Daddy exposits on doubling and how now there is an EE and a GE. Kendall and Daddy talk about cells and DNA and the flaws in the iris. Syd way believes GE.

They test GE and lo, he is really GE. Syd tells him that there's another Ethan, an Evil Ethan around. He wants to know who has his face? It's the S.O.B that killed your fiancée, sweetness. Marcovich, or whatever.

GE figures that Olivia was duped into thinking EE was GE. GE wants to go with Syd to Poland to blow up the doubling machine. There are many trains. Vaughn is in her ear and tells her where the guards are and stuff.  Syd and GE mission some and break into a train car and ooh, medical things. Syd plays with explosives and GE downloads. GE tells Syd there's a second double.

Speak of the devil, NotFrancie is putting a itty bitty camera in Syd's bedroom TV. Oh, crap.

Someone's calling Vaughn. Oh, it's EE. Vaughn's all, er. Daddy's all, er. EE yells a lot. Vaughn's like, mmkay and now we're in trouble. Evil love music plays. Daddy tells EE not to go to the freight yard where GE and Syd are. EE fakes a bad connection and hangs up. He has a gun.

Vaughn wants to whisper sweet nothings into Syd's ear. He warns her to watch GE carefully. Daddy says to disarm him. Syd holds a gun to GE and disarms him. GE's all, jeez, Syd, fine. She tells him to cuff himself. He does. GE and Syd flip a bit.

EE runs around with a gun. GE tries to escape. Syd finds EE and tells him the same thing as she told GE. He tries to talk her down. GE escapes. Syd threatens EE. Eeeee! Two Ethans! Which is EE and which is GE? Oh. GE has a toque on. Okay.

Running ensues.

Finally, EE gets stuck between EE and GE. Syd has conviently forgotten about GE wearing a toque and is confused. Syd is all, dude? I don't care about either one of you. You stupid flips can go to hell, but whoever is Markovich better like Ethan because dude? I'm blowing this shit up.

And EE tries to do something bad. So GE shoots him. And Syd blows it up. EE looks dead. Syd is calm. GE is meh.

Back in LA, Syd's middrift makes another appearance. Vaughn and Good Ethan- and the only Ethan, now. Ethan comes over to talk to Syd and apparently they gave him the choice between a month-long vacation or therapy. Hold on. He had a CHOICE in seeing Dr. Linda? DUDE?

GE says he wants to go to Fiji, he's never been, which makes the audience figure out why Olivia knew she was with EE earlier. Olivia was from Fiji. Syd's all, durh. I knew that. I knew Olivia. We did jello shots together.  Syd has to throw in one last nugget of wisdom- she was lucky to have known Danny as long as she did. Meaning like the time you had with Olivia and move on, my friend.

And now we go to the giddy part of the show.

Seriously. The minute Coldplay's 'God Put a Smile Upon Your Face' started to play I literally shivered and squealed. Because, dude? Oh. My. God.

There is wine. Syd drinks. Vaughn is really hot looking. Syd cooks. There are smiles. She passes Vaughn, another smile. He watches. She tastes her sauce. Mmm. Let's Vaughn taste. Mmm. Touching. She checks things in the stove. Vaughn grabs her. They kiss. His hands go down and Syd's middrift shows up for the third time.  There is hands-on kissing. Vaughn says she's beautiful. Syd says dinner's ready. Vaughn tells her that she does have an oven. They can so reheat. Syd closes the oven with her foot and...

....Oh. Oh. More kissing. On the bed. Silhouette and GOM, thank you JJ. Hands go down Vaughn's back. Vaughn kisses her stomach. Syd arches and then sits up. More kissing. Less clothes. More kissing. Oh, my god, they are so going to have SpySex.

And then, Coldplay fades out. We suddenly see Syd and Vaughn making out and stripping like it's Paris Hilton and that dude and oh my god, look, it's Not Francie, watching homemade porn with her handy dandy hidden camera and can I tell you that I was sure NotFrancie was a guy for the longest time because of this scene? Ugh. So wrong.

THEY HAD SEX! YAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAY!

Comments

[thepodsquad.livejournal.com]

Syd wonders about Teh Kiss and The Bland One. Vaughn tells her that The Bland One was So Yesterday this morning. Mmhmm. And yes, I did say that. Syd squees. Vaughn squees.

I still feel bad for EW. And probably always will. Unless they bring her back and she's like teh psycho. Then I'll adore her.

Tires squeal and Olivia gets tossed out of a truck. My, she's pasty.

If I was Olivia D'Abo I would've sued! She was seriously rough looking. And where are Kevin and Winnie when she needs them?

JJ has the smallest name base of all time. Laura, Lauren. Emma, Emily. Julia, Julian. The many Daniels and Dannys. The Bills and Wills of Wiliam.

You know there was this fake spoiler that Sark was going to have a brother named, get this, Noah. And I screamed and made plans to ship Alias writers a baby name book. Because guess what? There are LOTS of names in this world.

Olivia sings 'Pop Goes the Weasel' and- and I know I am sick and twisted- I die laughing. That is like, one of the best lines of all time on Alias.

She sang it differently than Barney did. Poor Barney, he got the words wrong. And seriously, she was blonde, blandish and had a wicked overbite. Vaughn dated her like whoa. :P

GE is getting tortured and there are needles going into his eyes! Having had my retina scraped with a scapel, I can say that it's an extremely eerie experience with topical anesthesia, so I can't imagine what a NEEDLE in your EYE without ANYTHING would be like. Not so nice, the needles.

*shudders massively* I HATE MY EYES BEING FOOLED WITH! Granted, I've never had anything happen to either of my eyes, but that's so not the point.

Weiss asks if she likes Italian. Pointless says she has a boyfriend. WHY ARE YOU STEALING PRECIOUS MOMENTS FROM MY CHARACTERS? Weiss sighs and says he does too. I love Weiss.

Hamweiss is the bestest ship behind HARK! :P He's just so adorable and sweet. *thwacks JJ* Give him a girlfriend! And not like that psycho-bitch Syd-hater in that fic I wasn't supposed to be reading anymore. ;P

And then he kisses Syd.

And I thought that was fanon.

Dude, I totally forgot about the kissing!! I need to rewatch this episode.

They can so reheat. Syd closes the oven with her foot and...

She did take the food out first, right? I mean...it's kind of dangerous just leaving the oven on all night...nevermind.

And dude the sex was like whoa. The arching and I was like "gom." :P