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Apr. 17th, 2007 02:06 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
sunshine_queenI'm known for getting overly emotional, so feel free to skip.
I didn't know about the shooting (how quickly it becomes "the") until I was in spanish class. Two o'clock. It was already over by then, long since, and I was just finding out. It was just whispers and rumors at first- a shooting at Virginia Tech, twenty people were dead.
Twenty people, I thought, that's just- that's absurd.
I'm lucky I was spared the "some Virginia university." Two of my good friends- Monica and Jess- they go to school in Virginia. I sent Jess back there yesterday.
I had class right after Spanish, and went down to human sexuality discussion period. Right away, some girl asked our TA, Erika, what she knew. And she told us what she knew. At the end, and this really touched me, she said, "so we should all say prayers for the families that'll be getting phone calls today."
My mom texted me during class. Sure, I was in Florida, miles away and in absolutely no danger. But still, a text message- "are you okay? a shooting at VTech. Love you."
The thing about this shooting is that it could have happened at any of our schools. At UVA, or at Dartmouth, or at William and Mary, or at University of New Brunswick, or right here, at UF. There were people that were alive at this time last night and got up to go to their classes and they got killed for no good reason. And no matter what investigators find out about the shooter- if he was abused or psychotic or just snapped- there still will be no reason. They died for nothing.
I'm really sentimental when it comes to these things- I cried at September 11th memorials for at least two years after the fact, not because I lost anyone close to me, but because of what had happened. The unfathomable loss the life, the pointlessness of it all.
There was nothing anyone could have done. People are bitching that VTech didn't react quickly enough, when, really, what could they have done? People from off campus were on their way to school. There's no PA system on school campuses, no airhorn that could pinpoint the problem. If someone got shot across campus at Beatty Towers, I wouldn't know. And I could go to class and not have any idea until there was a gun in front of me. Yes, they messed up, thinking that the shooter had left, that it was an isolated, domestic incident- but they couldn't have known. Who could have thought someone was capable or such wholesale carnage?
On Facebook, people are organizing candlelight vigils and the like for those at Virginia Tech. Everytime I read an article, or see a new group listing- I'm not that religious. I go to church when I have to, and I pray compulsively at night because I have to go through the words in order to fall asleep, even if I'm not paying attention to what I'm saying- but I keep saying prayers for those people, like prayers are drops in a bucket and the more prayers I say, the better it'll be. Like if I say, "Dear Lord, please help those students and their families," it'll help in some way. And that's the point of prayer, I know, to have blind faith that it'll help- but how can it? Thirty-odd people are dead and they're not coming back and all the prayers in the world can't change that.
This massacre was not the fault of American policy on guns or lack of security. It was the fault of a lone gunman whose reasons went with him to his grave, the fucking bastard. And I hate him for shooting himself almost as much as I hate him for killing those people- partially because I am vindictive and would like to see him be punished, the way I wanted Danny Rolling to be punished, and partially because I want to know why. Why he would do such a thing. You have to believe that there were people who loved him or something, how could he get to the point where killing all these people seemed like a good idea?
Last night there was a special on the history channel about the Kennedy Assassination, and I learned a lot about Lee Harvey Oswald. Oswald wanted to be remembered, and remembered he was. If fame was all this madman was after, then I say- what? We can't do anything to him now, he's dead. And we can spit on his grave and bury him in a forest and hate him all we want, but we can't touch him. He's history now, and when we find out his name, we're going to remember it, as we remember the flight numbers from September 11th, as we remember the name of Lee Harvey Oswald and Timothy McVeigh and John Wilkes Booth, Danny Rolling and Ted Bundy and all the bastards that were too big for life and now live on in history books with their names written in red blood.
How can those students feel safe, those who live in West Ambler Johnston, those who go to classes in Norris? Even if there is no more shooter, how can you rid the echoes of gunshots and the shadow of a rifle?
(Maybe if it had been more specific I'd feel better, and I wouldn't have called and texted and messaged my friends. "I'm so glad you don't go to Virginia Tech," I said, but what I meant was "I'm glad the gunman didn't go to your school. I'm glad that you're alive and that I don't have to miss you." Maybe if it didn't feel like it could happen anywhere, at anytime, it'd be easier.)
I didn't know about the shooting (how quickly it becomes "the") until I was in spanish class. Two o'clock. It was already over by then, long since, and I was just finding out. It was just whispers and rumors at first- a shooting at Virginia Tech, twenty people were dead.
Twenty people, I thought, that's just- that's absurd.
I'm lucky I was spared the "some Virginia university." Two of my good friends- Monica and Jess- they go to school in Virginia. I sent Jess back there yesterday.
I had class right after Spanish, and went down to human sexuality discussion period. Right away, some girl asked our TA, Erika, what she knew. And she told us what she knew. At the end, and this really touched me, she said, "so we should all say prayers for the families that'll be getting phone calls today."
My mom texted me during class. Sure, I was in Florida, miles away and in absolutely no danger. But still, a text message- "are you okay? a shooting at VTech. Love you."
The thing about this shooting is that it could have happened at any of our schools. At UVA, or at Dartmouth, or at William and Mary, or at University of New Brunswick, or right here, at UF. There were people that were alive at this time last night and got up to go to their classes and they got killed for no good reason. And no matter what investigators find out about the shooter- if he was abused or psychotic or just snapped- there still will be no reason. They died for nothing.
I'm really sentimental when it comes to these things- I cried at September 11th memorials for at least two years after the fact, not because I lost anyone close to me, but because of what had happened. The unfathomable loss the life, the pointlessness of it all.
There was nothing anyone could have done. People are bitching that VTech didn't react quickly enough, when, really, what could they have done? People from off campus were on their way to school. There's no PA system on school campuses, no airhorn that could pinpoint the problem. If someone got shot across campus at Beatty Towers, I wouldn't know. And I could go to class and not have any idea until there was a gun in front of me. Yes, they messed up, thinking that the shooter had left, that it was an isolated, domestic incident- but they couldn't have known. Who could have thought someone was capable or such wholesale carnage?
On Facebook, people are organizing candlelight vigils and the like for those at Virginia Tech. Everytime I read an article, or see a new group listing- I'm not that religious. I go to church when I have to, and I pray compulsively at night because I have to go through the words in order to fall asleep, even if I'm not paying attention to what I'm saying- but I keep saying prayers for those people, like prayers are drops in a bucket and the more prayers I say, the better it'll be. Like if I say, "Dear Lord, please help those students and their families," it'll help in some way. And that's the point of prayer, I know, to have blind faith that it'll help- but how can it? Thirty-odd people are dead and they're not coming back and all the prayers in the world can't change that.
This massacre was not the fault of American policy on guns or lack of security. It was the fault of a lone gunman whose reasons went with him to his grave, the fucking bastard. And I hate him for shooting himself almost as much as I hate him for killing those people- partially because I am vindictive and would like to see him be punished, the way I wanted Danny Rolling to be punished, and partially because I want to know why. Why he would do such a thing. You have to believe that there were people who loved him or something, how could he get to the point where killing all these people seemed like a good idea?
Last night there was a special on the history channel about the Kennedy Assassination, and I learned a lot about Lee Harvey Oswald. Oswald wanted to be remembered, and remembered he was. If fame was all this madman was after, then I say- what? We can't do anything to him now, he's dead. And we can spit on his grave and bury him in a forest and hate him all we want, but we can't touch him. He's history now, and when we find out his name, we're going to remember it, as we remember the flight numbers from September 11th, as we remember the name of Lee Harvey Oswald and Timothy McVeigh and John Wilkes Booth, Danny Rolling and Ted Bundy and all the bastards that were too big for life and now live on in history books with their names written in red blood.
How can those students feel safe, those who live in West Ambler Johnston, those who go to classes in Norris? Even if there is no more shooter, how can you rid the echoes of gunshots and the shadow of a rifle?
(Maybe if it had been more specific I'd feel better, and I wouldn't have called and texted and messaged my friends. "I'm so glad you don't go to Virginia Tech," I said, but what I meant was "I'm glad the gunman didn't go to your school. I'm glad that you're alive and that I don't have to miss you." Maybe if it didn't feel like it could happen anywhere, at anytime, it'd be easier.)
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no subject
Date: 2007-04-17 06:39 am (UTC)Fortunately, I only briefly got the "some university in Virginia" and immediately thought I had to call you because I don't have Monica's number and then they said it was VTEch and still thought about calling you to check on Nica.
It just...there are no words. Really. There aren't. And I can't even really conceive of it.
*HUGS*
no subject
Date: 2007-04-17 06:50 am (UTC)As soon as I heard it was a school in Virginia, I freaked and tried to get ahold of Matt. I breathed a sigh of relief when I saw he was online, and read that it was at VT and not JMU. However, my feeling of relief was crushed when he told me several of his friends were there and not answering their phones.
I think that's the scary part; it COULD happen at any school. I'm 3000 miles away, and I was crying because of this. As safe as I want to believe my school is, you just never know.
*HUGS*
no subject
Date: 2007-04-17 09:28 pm (UTC)Everyone here is in absolute shock. I watched some of the convocation ceremony at the library, and I saw people crying. It's incredible. I'm going to the vigil tonight. And I confess that I was looking at my classroom doors today trying to imagine where I'd hide if anything ever happened at UVA. And I concluded that jumping out of the window would probably be the best strategy. It's awful.
I can't add to what you wrote so beautifully... but I love you very much. Do take care of yourself.