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sunshine_queenJoined Becca and I am now listening to 'My Immortal' repeatedly. Maybe I'm more pathetic, because I'm alternating between the original version and the rock mix. And singing along REALLY LOUDLY.
I don't know what it is about me. I think I've lost the ability to just be happy and just go with it, you know? It's like, I have to anticipate that something's coming, and it might not be something I particularly like.
I remember seeing other people- teenagers, mainly, my own peers- and wondering why they'd changed from the bubbly people I knew as a child. I'd gone to school with them from infancy, stayed tuned to the gossip mills, known what went on. There was no defineable moment where they changed, but I can't remember if it was gradual or if they were just different one monday morning.
The scary thing is, I feel myself changing. And though it's a gradual thing, it's frighteningly fast for me- it's like I'm slipping down glass. I'm dropping down- into where? self-pity, self-degradation, self-something- and i can see up from the abyss, but... but... oh, i don't know. I just seemed to be a lot happier before.
Maybe this happens to everyone, and nothing gold can stay.
"Yes, she was sixteen. . . and then she started changing. . ."
In others news, I am a selfish bitch for worrying about myself when others have it much worse than me, but that's not news, now is it? And I miss my blog, guys. I don't know how to make this one pretty, I miss writing in all my little pieces of info. And I hate volunteer work.
I need to stop whining. Really. I mean, I had a thin day today, that was nice. And survived calling complete strangers.
Life is good. What right have I to complain?
I don't know what it is about me. I think I've lost the ability to just be happy and just go with it, you know? It's like, I have to anticipate that something's coming, and it might not be something I particularly like.
I remember seeing other people- teenagers, mainly, my own peers- and wondering why they'd changed from the bubbly people I knew as a child. I'd gone to school with them from infancy, stayed tuned to the gossip mills, known what went on. There was no defineable moment where they changed, but I can't remember if it was gradual or if they were just different one monday morning.
The scary thing is, I feel myself changing. And though it's a gradual thing, it's frighteningly fast for me- it's like I'm slipping down glass. I'm dropping down- into where? self-pity, self-degradation, self-something- and i can see up from the abyss, but... but... oh, i don't know. I just seemed to be a lot happier before.
Maybe this happens to everyone, and nothing gold can stay.
"Yes, she was sixteen. . . and then she started changing. . ."
In others news, I am a selfish bitch for worrying about myself when others have it much worse than me, but that's not news, now is it? And I miss my blog, guys. I don't know how to make this one pretty, I miss writing in all my little pieces of info. And I hate volunteer work.
I need to stop whining. Really. I mean, I had a thin day today, that was nice. And survived calling complete strangers.
Life is good. What right have I to complain?
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no subject
Date: 2004-03-23 05:48 pm (UTC)and change is inevitable; don't be worried about it. if you grow away from people then it happens and you'll find new friends.
no subject
Date: 2004-03-23 07:33 pm (UTC)