"Jesus is not a zombie! I shouldn't even have to tell you that."

[sunshine_queen]

This is perhaps the greatest thing of my life. No lie.

So, tomorrow is Ash Wednesday, which is the beginning of Lent. Every year I give up the same thing- chocolate. Sure, it's a good thing to give up- something I truly, truly love, with the added bonus of giving me at least a hope of eating healthier. A thing not all non-Catholics realize about Lent is that really, it's like a second chance at a New Year's Resolution, only infinitely scarier. If you give up on your New Year's resolution, you only have to face yourself in the mirror. If you give up on your Lenten promise, you're letting down Jesus. YEAH, YOU KNOW, THE GUY WHO WANDERED FORTY DAYS AND NIGHTS IN THE DESERT WITHOUT FOOD OR WATER. JESUS, WHO DIED FOR YOU, GODDAMMIT.

Which leads me to my new Lenten promise- giving up cursing. This will be difficult for two reasons: (A) I curse like a sailor on leave and (B) I relish cursing. I seriously love it. Also I realized earlier this year that my cursing is a bit out of control and I cannot in any way afford a swear jar.

So, parameters. As of right now the parameters are: I can say damn and hell, but not "Goddamn" or "Goddammit" because that's pushing it. Obviously no to the words "shit" and "fuck," however, I am going to allow myself things like "effing." Maybe towards the end I can get rid of that too.

However, I'm having trouble with the word "ass." I think words like jackass and asshole have to go, but what about ass like, "My ass looks good in these jeans?" I think I have to go by the guidelines of "what I wouldn't say in front of the kids I work with [except for the words "damn" and "hell" because I am only a person!]" And I think cursing in acronyms is out too- like WTF. And cursing in other languages.

So I put it to you, good flist:

[Poll #1355021]

Comments

[thepodsquad.livejournal.com]

I just want you to know that I always curse like 200% more once I get home from Miami than when I first arrived. My mother was even like, "Okay, Hannah, that's enough. If you say "fuck" or "goddamn" again I may actually have to punish you somehow."

To which I was like, "well, fuck."

YOU ARE A BAD INFLUENCE, MADEMOISELLE.

[sunshine-queen.livejournal.com]

I'm sorry! I know it's out of control!

[carrole.livejournal.com]

You just have to reward yourself for coming up with inventive new invective. :D

[sunshine-queen.livejournal.com]

Nicely put. And yes I will. I have some choice ones, but holy bananas, I'm in trouble.

[dollsome.livejournal.com]

I am voting to deprive you of "ass," because that's one that I never, NEVER say, even though it makes me sad and I kind of want to because "badass" is one of the most delightful expressions ever, but I JUST CAN'T DO IT. The inability to use "bitch" also torments me, because I think it might actually be the funniest and most perfect word ever. But since it sounds like you are living a strictly "damn" and "hell" lifestyle, as is my own, then those ... are ... my thoughts?

Good God, words are hard today for some reason. I apologize if that made zero sense!

[sunshine-queen.livejournal.com]

OMG I DIDN'T EVEN THINK OF BITCH. THAT'S HOW USED TO SAYING IT I AM.

This is going to slay me.

(You don't say badass or bitch ever? Ever? But... why?)

[dollsome.livejournal.com]

(I don't know! I genuinely DON'T KNOW. When I was younger it seemed really important to be proper, and now I'm just locked in it, and would probably have to kill myself of shame if I ever said any bad words ever! Even though I can entirely APPRECIATE them. I just can't do it. My life is tragic and filled with baffling self-inflicted repression!)

[sunshine-queen.livejournal.com]

Can you use them in IMs? Or when you're writing? I am literally boggled.

(I need more HIMYM icons.)

[dollsome.livejournal.com]

I am a little more liberal on livejournal and IM's! I very occasionally say stuff there that I would never allow to pass my pristine and virtuous lips. And in writing stories, of course, I will just say whatever. But ... out loud! Bad words! DOES NOT COMPUTE. I almost got kicked out of a class in my freshman year of college because I tremulously but staunchly refused to say the f-word! It's a CONSTANT STRUGGLE against adversity. Or ... well, not really. Sometimes it gets hard to quote funny things that other people say, since I have to spell the swear words out and then feel lame and like five years old.

(You can never have too many HIMYM icons! Neverrrrr!)

[sunshine-queen.livejournal.com]

You are a wild, wild woman, you.

[xenaamber.livejournal.com]

Crap? Bastard? I consider both "naughty words"... how draconian are you going to get here? :D

[sunshine-queen.livejournal.com]

I'm going to allow crap, because I'm not saying shit. I wouldn't say it at work, but I'm a grown-up, so I can say it. Bastard only in the proper context.

[xenaamber.livejournal.com]

Tch, but if you're a grown-up, technically you can curse as much as you like. Maybe once you're more used to not cursing, you could phase out crap some as well? You might as well do the thing properly. ;-)

[gemmi-joo.livejournal.com]

What an interesting thing to give up! And for forty days...all I can say is shit. :P Good luck. :)

[sunshine-queen.livejournal.com]

Yeah, it's going to be an interesting few weeks. Thanks!

[myalias-isjulia.livejournal.com]

hey at least you can start having conversations about donkies if u wanna make yourself feel better ;)