(no subject)
Nov. 1st, 2004 03:34 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
sunshine_queenI think it's me.
I mean, it must be.
And I feel like all I ever do anymore is whine, which sucks and shouldn't be done because I know how much it annoys me.
Today a teacher made me cry. While I cry at the drop of a hat when it comes to movies and TV and books and stuff, it takes a LOT to have a person make me cry in real life.
But yes. Campitelli made me cry.
Basically, we were reviewing for the test on wednesday, and I didn't understand a problem. So I asked her. And she said that she literally gave up on me, because she thought it was the easiest thing in the world and she didn't get why I couldn't comprehend it.
Okay. So I got a little choked up. No problem. Perse offered to help me, so I went and she explained it to me. We were good.
So a little while later, a new problem with many, many steps. Guileless Madeline goes up to math teacher to ascertain she is doing things right. Turns out she's overthinking and doing too much. Madeline gets yelled at again, and is asked how she passed the FCAT when she is obviously so horrible in geometry.
I got a 96 or something on the FCAT. A 96. Out of 100.
I have never, ever, in my whole life, felt as stupid as she made me feel, not once, but twice, in front of the whole class.
The topping on the cake was when I decided that putting a target on my forehead was a stupid idea and went to check my work with Janelle, as Janelle is both my friend and decent in math, and Campitelli was lauding her mathematic achievement in what we were doing at the time. So, I go up to Janelle and I say softly, and, admittedly, in order to get a wee bit of sympathy, "Can you believe it? Campitelli made me cry." (Which is odd, because people don't make me cry.)
"I don't care! I'm doing this!"
So, I guess I expect too much from my friends.
I didn't expect Janelle to give me a big hug and offer a shoulder to cry on, but apparently it was too much for her to even say a sympathetic, "Dude, Campi's a bitch."
But either I expect too much, or I make bad friends, or I'm not worthy of sympathy or something, because I'm just not getting any kick back here. Maybe I invest too much emotionally in my relationships with people and it just hurts like a bitch when I realize that people just don't care that much about me.
Other than that, my day was fine. At lunch I talked to Tommy and Philly and Heather about Janelle's lack of heart, which everyone agreed on: unless it's about Janelle, Janelle "has no feelings," to quote Tommy.
I want to go and be a hermit. Because I don't like anyone anymore, and no one's ever liked me.
I mean, it must be.
And I feel like all I ever do anymore is whine, which sucks and shouldn't be done because I know how much it annoys me.
Today a teacher made me cry. While I cry at the drop of a hat when it comes to movies and TV and books and stuff, it takes a LOT to have a person make me cry in real life.
But yes. Campitelli made me cry.
Basically, we were reviewing for the test on wednesday, and I didn't understand a problem. So I asked her. And she said that she literally gave up on me, because she thought it was the easiest thing in the world and she didn't get why I couldn't comprehend it.
Okay. So I got a little choked up. No problem. Perse offered to help me, so I went and she explained it to me. We were good.
So a little while later, a new problem with many, many steps. Guileless Madeline goes up to math teacher to ascertain she is doing things right. Turns out she's overthinking and doing too much. Madeline gets yelled at again, and is asked how she passed the FCAT when she is obviously so horrible in geometry.
I got a 96 or something on the FCAT. A 96. Out of 100.
I have never, ever, in my whole life, felt as stupid as she made me feel, not once, but twice, in front of the whole class.
The topping on the cake was when I decided that putting a target on my forehead was a stupid idea and went to check my work with Janelle, as Janelle is both my friend and decent in math, and Campitelli was lauding her mathematic achievement in what we were doing at the time. So, I go up to Janelle and I say softly, and, admittedly, in order to get a wee bit of sympathy, "Can you believe it? Campitelli made me cry." (Which is odd, because people don't make me cry.)
"I don't care! I'm doing this!"
So, I guess I expect too much from my friends.
I didn't expect Janelle to give me a big hug and offer a shoulder to cry on, but apparently it was too much for her to even say a sympathetic, "Dude, Campi's a bitch."
But either I expect too much, or I make bad friends, or I'm not worthy of sympathy or something, because I'm just not getting any kick back here. Maybe I invest too much emotionally in my relationships with people and it just hurts like a bitch when I realize that people just don't care that much about me.
Other than that, my day was fine. At lunch I talked to Tommy and Philly and Heather about Janelle's lack of heart, which everyone agreed on: unless it's about Janelle, Janelle "has no feelings," to quote Tommy.
I want to go and be a hermit. Because I don't like anyone anymore, and no one's ever liked me.
![[identity profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/openid.png){kind=small}
no subject
Date: 2004-11-01 10:03 pm (UTC)*hugs again*
no subject
Date: 2004-11-02 12:33 am (UTC)dull the painenjoy?no subject
Date: 2004-11-02 12:41 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2004-11-02 12:48 am (UTC)And your friends, well, they have to go up ...
no subject
Date: 2004-11-02 01:13 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2004-11-02 10:06 pm (UTC)