Victor Garber is GOD.

[sunshine_queen]

Okay. After I finished my chem midterm I had a spare piece of paper, and I just started listing things about last night's episode. Then I came home and watched it again, so I just kept going and wrote on every square inch on the poor piece of paper, so there is really no chronological order at all, due to school and margins and lines and whatnot, so bear with me.

* And for clarification's sake, Nadia will be known as 'Giraffe' or simply 'Gira' from here on out.

ETA: REGINA HAS A RECAPLET UP! OH MY GOD REGINA IS BACK AND I CAN DIE HAPPY BECAUSE I MISSED HER SO, SO MUCH! GOMMMMMMMMMMM!

AHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!

- Okay. So, first off, we left season 3 with Syd as a project. A project approved by SpyDaddy. But suddenly... no one cares? Um. Syd's a FREAKING PROJECT but after mentioning that, they all just threw it together with SpyMommy's death warrant? Whatever. Sounds like my binders.

- Sydney HATED being covert. Hated it. She hated the lying, hated the hiding, hated the secrecy. Suddenly she's willingly just jumping into APO all gung-ho like? I mean, power to her and yay for me, but, Sydney! You hated it!

- Vaughn... burnt down his house. And he ain't living with Syd yet. So is he living down by the river? In a box in an alley? His car? Where?

- So, Syd's all, sob, SpyDaddy killed my Mommy. To, you know, the guy whose FATHER DIED AT SAID MOTHER'S HAND. Sensitive, sweet Sydney.

- Gira is gonna have trouble killing SpyDaddy. Simply because he's SpyDaddy and undeathable. Although SpyMommy is undeathable too. So whatever. BITE ME, JJ.

- Syd starts, like, either starts or ends every season in Asia. It's funny.

- Jen Garner's eyes are suddenly grey-green. But why? They used to be so brown? Does white background make hazel-y eyes grey-green?

- That little partner from Shanghai, Brodine, or whatever, was such a biter. And tattletale! Sydney could EAT YOU.

- MAN did they have me going with that Angela Bassett thing. It was amazing. I was like, cringing at her yelling.

- SpyMommy. Hmph. Dead indeed. And wanting to kill Syd is bull. BULL.

- I love that Gira's all, I can't wait! I have to talk about Mommy RIGHT NOW, Sydney! And Syd's all, okay. But let's fly to Russia first.

- Sydney. You damn dirty liar. Identified her remains? Had her shipped to her mausoleum three miles from where she was born. You said it yourself, Syd, it's the details that matter.

- Vaughn. SHAVE. Please.

- Syd was such a bitch this episode. Like, I spend the entire episode yelling at her because she was being such an ass and I'm not used to it! I mean, I know a lot of shit has happened, but Dude, Syd! Being mean to everyone SUCKS.

- I! <3! Gira!

- Uncle Inappropriate strikes back!

- Gira is part of the gang now. WORD.

- The alias on the train was the cutest thing ever. I could've just gobbled her up with a spoon. The accent and the hair and the outfits... eee! Syd.

- How did Syd pierce tattle-tale's ear with her earring if her ears aren't pierced at all? Hello? My sister the genius picked that up.

- Gira as a Spicy Latin Chica was just genius. She is such a Derevko! Beautiful and dangerous and ALIVE.

- Neiss. Neiss is fate. Destined. MEANT TO BE.

- Sloane and Gira are on bad terms? What, is the nastiness between fathers and daughters universal?

- I love that Syd never listens on missions. I mean, that earpiece is in her ear for a reason, right? To listen to instructions and whatnot. Yet they're always like, Syd, abort, and Syd's always like, whatever, dude. Continuing.

- Why does Sydney always have sex with her shirt on, now? I mean, first with Will, and now with Vaughn? Why is this? Did her boobs get deformed as Julia or something?

- Speaking of Julesy, does Syd not care about the lost years anymore? About her being an assassin? And what about the Sphere of Life that Sloane donated to the CIA? Do we just not care at all?

- SyVa is different. It's... odd.

- Sydney COOKS? I still have such problems with this idea. I know Jem Garner does, but Syd?

- Eee Syd with glasses.

- What was with the meat locker, man? I never, ever needed to see the inside of a cow. Ever. Really.

- Still don't understand, really, how the hot asian dude wound up with the knife in him. I mean, one minute it was pointing at Syd, the next it was pointing at the ceiling via his body.

- Looking at my IBO folder, I swear I saw 'APO.' Which is just not good.

- Dude. Almost every male wore a graph-paper shirt. Vaughn did, the guy in the train did, Marshall did, other people did... it was amusing. Heather has graph paper sheets. Hee.

- Shanghai at night looks like Tomorrowland in Disney world at night.

- I adore the way that Syd is 'Miss' Bristow. Not 'Ms,' even. So great. You got served, yo.

- Vaughn is pretty when he beats things up. And burning down a house? That's hot.

- Aww, Vaughn's lying to his best friend! I guess that's okay, as the general concensus is that Weiss is evil... but... but...

- Syd goes in, and it's hysterical. Aside from not being too thrilled with her new team, I just know she's mentally whining, "Why am I always the only girl?"

- The decor of APO rocks. It's all sleek and mod. Yay.

- Oh, Syd. Sleeping with Syd within that 72 pre-mission period. I have no idea how long this is after the finale. Vaughn said he was in psych eval for a month... so his lungs are all healed after just one a month? Okay. Why not.

- Mm. Blue oxfords.

- Syd getting excited to work with Dixon again was just so, so cute. Yay!

- The SD-6 Crew is back! Marshall and Syd and Dixon and SpyDaddy and Sloane... man, this rocks!

- I love that Sarah was playing when Vaughn came to Syd's not-apt.

- Mm. Return of Professor Vaughn.

- Can I mention again how adorable Syd is? Good.

- The different credits were SCARY, man. They frightened me!

- That nightgown is so pretty. Not so wild about the panels on the skirt of it, but the top was adorable.

- How did the hot Asian man recognize Vaughn? I mean, he's beautiful and all, but how often is his pretty face shown?

- The parallels to Phase One slayed me.

- The guy that Vaughn beat was freaking Frankenstein. He was HUGE. Like a wall. I loved that when he hit Frank upside the head with a metal pitcher and he didn't even falter, Vaughn was all, "Are you kidding?" It was great.

- Ah, the sex montage. Raunchy SpySex. It was good. And the chin pinch was beautiful. Despite of how sucky it was for Vaughn to try to get her to open up about SpyDaddy after sex. I mean, hello? Revel, baby, revel! You just had raunchy spysex with your dream girl! And Syd's so harsh. "No, Vaughn. We just had sex, but I will not spill my soul to you. Bastard. Get out of my bed. Who invited you in anyway?"

- You can literally hear SpyDaddy's heart shatter when Syd is mean to him.

- Poor Vaughn. Syd's being a sad sack again.

- I love that SpyDaddy's all, Vaughn, Vaughn, you gotta tell Syd this- and Vaughn's all, um, not playing messanger any more. SpyDaddy's just amazingly cute and dismayed. And how could Vaughn guess what SpyDaddy did?

- Um. Why is Syd calling Irina 'Irinna?' That's how she said it. Irinna Derevko.

- And same Wittenberg footage from the finale. Get on with it, Sydney.

- Boo, being a bitch to Vaughn.

- And Syd's all lying on his lap, mumbling repeatedly that Daddy killed Mommy, and Vaughn's kinda looking off into the distance, wondering what an appropriate gift would be to give SpyDaddy for killing his father's murderer. And to behave towards Syd. Because dayum, man. Domestic violence.

- Syd is wearing Julia's tan leather coat from 'Full Disclosure!' Speaking of Full Disclosure, when I was marking my tape before I put in the VCR to record, for some reason I wrote that instead of 'Authorized Personnel Only.' Because I'm a RETARD.

- This sword thing is dumb. Man.

- YAY LET'S GO FIND GIRA!

- The sisters are just so, so cute. I love it. Love it.

- Have I mentioned lately how much I love Sloane? Because I do. He's so happy to be with his people again! I wish I could remember, or have seen, what Syd and Sloane were like before the whole Sloane-is-evil-and-killed-Danny-and-lies-to-all-and-sucks thing.

- So... Gira drops out of the agency... and became a beach bum! Yay Gira!

- And they're playing Juanes in Argentina! A Dios le pido! GOM, that was The Blues Stars' favorite song freshman year. They were obsessed!

- Gira has such pretty hair. And what looks like a wallet from American Eagle.

- Jen Garner does disgust so well. It's amazing. And poor SpyDaddy. His torment kills me.

- Poor Marshall misses everyone! I adore that he went to visit Sark. They had eggs. God, Sark would be hysterical with that. Marshall came to eat eggs with Sark. It's a beautiful, beautiful thing. Someone needs to write a fic.

- Marshall drives a mini! How cute is that? Where is Carrie? And Mitchell? And when did you recover, Marshall? Why do you screw with my head, JJ?

Marshall was totally adorable in the scene when he got to APO. "Am I dead?" he asks at the A-Team's official stance. Syd is wearing some dress that I am torn between loving and hating. She sounds all beatific and angelic, murmuring, "You've been recruited. Now, drink this liquid and exhale your soul, Marshall. Come and play with us."

And then Marshall leans forward and is like, 'Psst. Syd. Sloane. He's here.' I wish he'd called him 'Mr. Sloane.' It's cute when he does that.

- Ah, motivational Marshall. Love him.

- So, we're Shotgun and Phoenix now? Phoenix is pretty and appropriate, but Shotgun? What happened to Mountaineer and Boyscout? Syd was Mountaineer earlier!

- Marshall going on about how "Robot Dixon" wouldn't have ever let them do this last season? Classic Marshall rambling. le sigh.

- And Sloane's in charge! MAN this is such sweet sweet Season One feeling goodness! It burns, the sweetness!

- This whole hang-y steal-y thing is SO Syd-and-Noah of her! Wow Season One! WOW!

- That glass thing was cool.

- When Marshall was talking about the weight monitor thing, all I could think of was Indiana Jones and the Temple of Doom. I was like, come on, Syndiana, use the bag of sand! Use it!

- What's with the music? Dude! Charlie's Angels much?

- I love the SpyDaddy "Sydney, get in" call back. And what he said next was priceless: "Get in, you can be stubborn later." Amen, SpyDaddy! You get the job done!

- SyVa chats in the halls. How cute.

- When Daddy and Sloane were chatting, I so totally figured out that SpyDaddy had "killed" SpyMommy to save Syd. I mean, Duh.

- Hannah said that it showed how much SpyDaddy loved Syd, to be willing to have him hate her forever and ever, rather than feel (A) guilty that SpyDaddy had killed Mommy (A.K.A. THE LOVE OF HIS LIFE) for her and (B) sad because Mommy wanted to kill her. Oh, SpyDaddy. If this is true, I'll still love. After all, Lena could come back in the form of Yelena. They never said she wasn't an identical twin.

- And no one's really dead, anyway. The only three that are really dead is Danny, Emily and Diane, and I'm only sure about the last two.

- Okay, that mansion Dixon goes to in 'Brussels?' That, my friends, in a mansion in California. I know this because it was used in the movie 'Dead Again.' Cali, my friends. Cali.

- "You don't frighten me."

"Then clearly you're an idiot."

Have truer words ever been spoken?

- Syd, will you QUIT BEING A SNOT? You're THIRTY- TWO YEARS OLD, FOR GOD'S SAKE. Jesus, be pissed at your dad, but don't act fifteen in front of your co-workers!

- Vaughn, baby, why were you wearing a lumberjack vest? Why?

- "You are hot, and I mean that in many ways." I love Marshall.

- So, Syd goes into the hallway and loses radio contact and, instead of going back two steps to clear things up, she proceeds, with a dead radio, in the middle of this creepy, flickering-light, OMINOUS AS ALL HELL hallway and does she slink along the wall? No. I mean, I would think she would slink along the wall for safety's sake since NOTHING CAN JUMP OUT OF A WALL, but no. And that hall was echo-y as all. How did Syd of Supersonic hearing not hear it? Why do these things happen? Sigh.

- "Sydney Bristow." And Syd looks around like, God? Is that you? It was hysterical. Syd, if anyone's going to be talking to you from above, it's gonna be SpyMommy going Mufasa on your ass. Except for the part where SHE'S SO TOTALLY NOT DEAD.

- SpyDaddy is so tortured, having lost communication with his baby. It's so sad, this episode. I mean, he ADORES that child. IF he did indeed kill SpyMommy, A.K.A. the Love Of His Life, it was for his baby, Sydney. His reason for living.

- I love that Vaughn always forces the unwilling into helping Sydamsel in distress. Dixon in season too, and now Gira in season quatro.

- Torture chambers are always so icky. If JJ really wanted to fuck with us, he'd make it all cheery.

- So hot Asia dude is like, hey hey, girly. How 'bout telling me whassup with the deal? And Syd's all, eh? Deal? Maybe I should mention JULIA.

And Syd is open-minded? Damn dirty liar you are, Sydney Anne.

- Gira is one sexy Derevko. And she is way not speaking Spanish to that slimy dude. It must be portuguese.

- Man, water torture? So lame! But drowning Syd is SO not cool. I think I was freaking out at that so much because one of my biggest fears is drowning, because I dig breathing so much. BTW, Jen Garner? Hardcore. HARDCORE.

- Gira, your sister is DROWNING. Quit making out with him! For shame!

- Tranquilizer lips, courtesy of Magic Marshall. Not too red. Jussst right.

- Gira kicks ass! Hooray!

- Daddy is all frantic. Like, seriously, Victor Garber is beyond amazing.

- Gira's all, Syd, who couldn't breathe but a second ago, went after the hot Asian guy! They're playing hide and go seek and running with scissors in the meat locker! Go do something!

- Ahh, yay. The APO pose! Gira joined in! In the words of my sister, "Yay! Sydney has a girl to ask for a spare tampax from!"

- Daddy just looks so tired and miserable. He wants a hug, but Sydney can't understand that SpyDaddy loves her best. She DENIES A HUG. I think last night I said, Sydney, you should be shot, but I could be lying.

- Awww, SyVa hug! I love their hugs. My dad tried to ruin this scene last night 'cause he was thrilled that they were using Cat Stevens music, and then my mom was calling Cat by his new name and I was threatening death. I did notice today that Sydney's watch is gold. Ew.

- I thought the episode ended here.

- I've said it before, I'll say it again, Eric and Gira are MEANT TO BE.

And, my final note:

IRINA LIVES! LIES! LIES! LIES!