Woe Upon Your Cylon Heart!

So, I got the role of Ninetta, right? I am a princess turned orange turned princess turned orange turned princess. I am so happy to have gotten my role.

What Sam, our fearless director, neglected to mention the formation of the oranges.

As of right now, the oranges are going to be hula hoops covered in orange paper, being held up by Laura, Lynsey and me, as we crouch across the stage.

No, literally.

We crouch-walk across the entire stage.

And let me tell you something. Crouch-walking hurts. It hurts like a bitch.

On the bright side, my thighs should be uber strong by February.

Today was volunteering hell. First, I had to get a TB test, which is done by "putting a small amount of TB protein (antigens) under the top layer of skin on your inner forearm. If you have ever been exposed to the TB bacteria, your skin will react to the antigens by developing a firm red bump at the site within 2 days." Then the kids were absolute heathens. A couple of highlights? An epidemic of bare feet, wherein one removed their shoes and socks and the rest followed, and when Gaby got out a pad of purple ink when Dolly and I were lassoing kids to put shoes back on and three of them got covered in purple ink. I wanted to kill them.

Sure do love my Yana, though.

"To Wong Foo, thanks for everything, Julie Newmar" is on TV, and it has Vartan ten whole years ago, all scruffy and bully-like and you know what? He's an ass and I love him.

Not that that makes this role all too different from some episodes of Alias. But I take what I can get.

I am also going to fail my math midterm. For serious.

Today was week two of volunteering twice in one day.

In swimming, I fought some more with Evelyn. That was fun. I also made friends with Melissa, this nice younger aide who was sent to help us. I saw Heather in the morning, who was dropping off Lara, and got some Addy-drama. Joy.

At the hospital, I was outside in the heat for a while with the little kids. I love my twins. Then I went in with Dolly and hung out with the older kids. The littlest one, Taylor, is new and just turned four. She's absolutely adorable and sat in my lap while we watched 'The Little Mermaid II.'

That said- in the Alias of Disney Movies, SpyDaddy is totally King Triton. A lot of Disney fathers are completely ineffective (King Stephen? Hellooooo?) or dead (Mufasa :-() but King Triton? Alive and kicking and fighting for his baby girl! Jack is the word!

Still have my Moonlighting fics to write. Gaaaah.

This time next week I'll be in New York. I am completely underwhelmed with enthusiasm.

That said, I used to have no great love for Tom Cruise. That was during the Nic Kidman Divorce débacle, and also when I loathed Penélope Cruz with every fibre of my being. I was fiercely, fiercely into Nic Kidman, and all against her must die.

(Nic was Satine, you understand.)

Anyway. Soon after, my ire against Tom Cruise faded. And my supreme adoration of Nic faded. And my love for Penélope grew.

Then came a few weeks ago.

Tom went crazy!

He's dating Katie Holmes! He's one step away from kidnapping young starlets to brainwash them to Scientology! He's IN LOVE with Katie! He's all crazy Scientologist in a I-would-thump-a-bible-if-Scientologists-had-one way! He's jumping on Oprah's couches!

At first, I was disgusted.

Oh, Tom, thought I, for the love of Xenu and all that is holy, calm your ass down, rehire Kingsley, and go hide somewhere because this? Not so easy to recover from, this.

Then Tom continued with the Crazy- he's proposing to Katie on the Eiffle Tower! He's doing a press conference two hours after said engagement! He's taking Katie to dinner with Pénelope and Pénelope's family in España! He's yelling at Matt Lauer! 63% of America thinks TomKat's a fraud!

And now? OMX, Tom, bring it on! Continue with the crazy! I, for one, am completely enamoured with Psycho!Tom, much more so than I ever was with Movie Star!Tom Cruise or, Cruise/Cruz!Tom, or Irreconcileable Differences!Tom.

Bring on the Crazy, Tom. You made Scientology the most looked up -ology in the country. You're putting your Cult on the map, baby! When me and becky go to the Scientology Temple of Abduction, we will be doing so in your name!

ROCK ON!