It's the hard-knock life...

[sunshine_queen]

Alright. So, I watched 'The Awful Truth' again- so here is my, you know, whatever. Dissertation, as Nica and I used to call it.

Oh. My. God. That shot of the Bahamas totally WAS the Bahamas. Mel and I were really impressed- even the light in the office looked just like the light in Bimini. It was beautiful.

Okay. Syd and Marshall? Sheer genius. The New York accent thing? Totally Marisa Tomei in 'My Cousin Vinnie' with a dash of Audrey from 'Little Shop of Horrors' with, like, Fran Fine because, dude? That was SO a yiddish word. And Marshall? Dude. DUDE. I love when he missionizes.

British accented Vaughn was insanely wonderful. Oh, the voice. The voice, my friends. And the outfit. *sigh*

Claudia Maria Vasquez DeMarco. Oh, gom almighty, say it again. "Charmed, I'm sure." And wearing Pucci. And what.

Okay. Dixon taking on Vaughn. While I worship and adore Vaughn, Dixon is (A) ABOUT TWICE AS BIG AS VAUGHN and (B) From the 'hood. (And you know it. Dixon is down with the moves, man.) So I feared a bit for Vaughn. Dixon could eat him if he so chose.

Syd's little dance as Ms. DeMarco when she got her card? I died. SO CUTE.

I love Bahamian accents. They're hot and whatnot. And soothing.

And when the dude came back and she was all, "Uh... breaking inta ya safe?" It was just priceless.

Okay, the party. Literally, my first thought was, "Who are these people? Sydney doesn't have any friends? Why are all these people here?"

And then Dixon and Marshall fought over pizza. Lord. Where is Carrie this season? I miss her.

Ah. Turns out that it's Eric's birthday, hence his friends. And OH MY LORD, THE NEISS. It's so freaking beautiful.

Speaking of beautiful- SyVa. SyVa cuteness has returned. Oh. My. God. I was so thrilled. "Pizza and Vegetables?" "Well, you know." So, so cute. Feeding her the pizza, man.

The chemistry in this episode was insane, man. Between Eric and Gira and Syd and Vaughn and everyone, wow. It was crazy.

Okay. So, Syd's doing the whole lying thing. Uh, Syd? Don't we HATE THE LYING?

SpyDaddy is priceless, talking about the invitations. And Tess and I totally called Gira living with Syd.

Syd telling Gira about Daddy is just... silly. Not only would it compel Gira to make an attempt on SpyDaddy's life. AND it would make Gira hate Syd for making Daddy kill Mommy. See? No upside, Syd.

The APO place- dammit, I want to call it the Apple Store!- is so pretty. I love it.

More than the APO place, I loved Syd's outfit. It's the one from the promo pics! Gom!

Badenleague. This season's bad guys?

Killed his wife to spend time with his mistress. Hmm. Sound somewhat familiar, anyone?

I loved Sloane thanking Syd for letting Gira live with her. She's all, I hate you, Sloane, go die. And she's petty, too! God, Syd.

Nadia, my love- do you remember a few months back? Think hard. Do you remember Green Goo? Do you remember needles? Do you remember being strapped to a chair with a stylus? Do you remember MUSCLE MEMORIES DUE TO THE PROTEINS INJECTED INTO YOUR BRAIN?!

And you think SpyDaddy is cold? I honestly thought at first that Gira was going to be all, aww, I wish SpyDaddy was my Daddy, instead of SloDaddy. But no. Instead she spouts THAT B.S. And then Sloane's all, wanna go out, baby? And I'm thinking, er, Nadia, DON'T YOU HATE YOUR FATHER?

But no. She's all, yay, SloDaddy!

Vaughn, please. Shave. I love you... but shave.

The Bishop dude is eerily hot. I can't quite describe it.

The crashed car was genius. Her accent, man, and her hair. Marshall engineering the explosions and seatbelts and Syd calling him 'sir' and it was just great. And Ima was just the cutest little girl ever.

And the wife-killer speech. Could there be anything better. Marshall's all, this guy's a wife-killer. Like, he killed his wife. Shot her up, stuffed her in a dumpster, poured gasoline on her, lit a match, and roasted freaking MARSHMALLOWS. And Vaughn's all, dude, I made S'MORES, okay? And SHUT UP.

Sydney does sincere well; Pretty Spanish house; I love Sloane; hee, the image of Syd carting around a baby hippopotamus.

Ew. Stalker much, Martin?

OH MY GOD! HE'S DONNIE PFASTER! RUN SYD RUN!

So he digs around Syd's- is that Zebra printed?- Le Sportsac and digs in her cosmetic case... and that's it. And Syd walks out and is all, er, hi, creepo. And Donnie's all, was the shower to your liking? Is your hair normal or dry?

Oh, yeah, he's Donnie. Donnie did well for himself and killed his wife for her hair. Mmm. Warm bodies. He hasn't seen that room since... well, since his wife was murdered. I mean, um, left. Since she left. Yeah. Syd's all, ew. Please don't stare at my finger nails, please.

Donnie's german is creepily pretty. As is Donnie. Mm.

Did it amuse anyone else to hear of Syd in an abusive relationship? Hee! It's just too funny!

Or not. Whatever.

Donnie's all, you know, I could kill him if you want, Charlene. I mean, he did make you break a nail.

Syd's all, put away the needle-nose pliers, freaknut, and go do your business is town. I'll be sleeping and adorable when you get home. And I honestly expected Donnie to bite his fist like Lenny from Laverne and Shirley.

Gira and Daddy. This scene is just so well done. Mia Maestro is a fine little actress. She's so pretty and sedate and collected, all SpyMommyish without the scary undertones of I sold my soul to the devil and he got gypped-ness. Daddy, however, is just cooler. He can't help it. He's cooler than Zoolander.

I mean, Victor Garber is astounding. Daddy is just so dry and perfect and unamused. And Gira's all, Why is my partner a man? And Daddy's like, dude, do you need a freaking lecture in how masculine just happens to be the generic sex we use? GOD.

Then SpyDaddy talks to Sloane, who is all, how's my baby? And Daddy's all, Go die, Sloane.

Okay. The SyVa-ness over the comms? Oh, my god. It was so beautiful I wanted to DIE. They were just so cute and light and fluffy and YES, NITA, I wanted the guardian angel thing too! And they so led into it with the conscience thing- why not go the extra step and remember the angel! I bet the writers didn't remember. And, oh look, I can see Vaughn's pores.

While Ima- 'scuse me, Charlene- is gushing on the phone to Joss in the bathtub, Syd is being all stealthy and doing bad things that she actually gets away with. Vaughn is talking to her in this wonderful, loving singsong way that makes me MELT. Vaughn is so pretty. But, damn, Syd gets caught by Donnie who's all, I brought you some conditioner! Did you miss me? And Syd's all, oh, you know it, Donnie. I have some drain hair in the bathroom, want to play with it?

Back in the APO Conversation Room, Daddy is amending his questions from "three-man" to "three-woman" team. And she calls him "Mr. Bristow." I just find that so funny. She doesn't want to whine, but, dude, lines at the DMV went faster than this. She haaaates this, she's tired and she wants to go home and put her feet up and watch some 'Pretty Woman.' "How sad for you." Daddy deadpans before getting a phone call and dropping Gira. he's so worried about Syd! But worry not, he's going to Espagna with Gira to save Syd.

Pathfinder commercials are hysterical.

Look, it's Ima's chofa! It's so cute. Hannah made such a deal out of this for ages before the episode, so I saw it and died laughing because it's the chofa that could fit about two Sydneys and Sydney's not that small of a girl. Sydney is drinking with Donnie, who is watching her fingers and their nails hold on to the alcoholic beverage in her hand. They talk about mission stuff, and when Vaughn tells Syd to tuck her hair behind her ear if she can hear him (her "thing") Donnie all but salivates. Hair AND nails? Just kill him now. Cryptic talk that is fun and revealing and Syd totally gets made.

Over to Malaga, where I know we went last season but can't remember why, and Weiss is leading the team. My sister got super bitter that I kept calling him "Eric." Bang bang bang, bad things go down. Sloane tells Vaughn that his best friend might be dead. Vaughn gets the CRAZY ANGRY VOICE and tells Syd to OFF DONNIE. Sydney smiles disarmingly at Donnie, who has just received a phone call implicating his lovely guest, and gives Vaughn the attack code.

Dix and Vaughn run like ze wind, but they miss Syd by an instant. Instead, they find in Donnie's refrigerator a bouquet of human fingers. Mm.

Vaughn quickly grows desperate and decides that yelling at Marshall is a good idea. Marshall takes it for about an hour and then he SNAPS! I was so proud of him! He's never snaps back! And he did and he made Vaughn like, snap back in his seat like, dude. I got served.

CRAZY Vaughn is hot.

Daddy and Gira on the plane is just... dude. I think every scene should have SpyDaddy in it. Talking about Mommy. He so totally shoots down Nadia when he says he doesn't blame her for Mommy's infidelities. Daddy's hardcore and intense. Awww, Gira and Sydney are similar ( re, // ) in testing and psyches and whatnot.

And SpyDaddy is just one sly fox.

Gira looks devastated.

Oh, no! Syd is bleeding from her lips! Quick, staunch the flow of blood! And look who it is! Eric! Way to go, Syd. He's looking at her like, Bank, huh? Man, I was such a CHUMP falling for that line! I mean, you used it for everyone else in seasons one and two and we LAUGHED at how stupid it was! And I fell for it! Man! Snarky Weiss is hot. As is Donnie. Mm, Donnie, why are you so attractive now that you're threatening Syd in a dark... cellar? Industrial room?

"What's your real name, Charlene?"
"Ima."
"Ima... what?"
"Ima gonna kick your ass."

And then Donnie BACKHANDS HER. I mean, for the first thing, DONNIE TRIED TO KILL DANA. That made me hate him to begin with. But hitting a TIED UP SYD? I mean, DUDE. Leave the beautiful bound women alone! (Oh, that sounds so wrong.)

Anyway, Weiss is such a good best friend. He totally yells at Donnie for hitting his best friend's girl. And almost gets shot. It was great.

Donnie goes to talk to... someone... the Badenleague, I think... and Syd cuts her straps with the overheating watch and Eric fakes a heart attack and YAY TEAMWORK! Syd and Eric play cowboys and indians with Donnie, and then Syd decides to take on a car.

Meanwhile, Eric runs into Vaughn. "Dude!" he exclaims. "I KNEW it!" And Vaughn does this headcock thing- it's totally best friendish and hot and ho!yay-ish, almost. I love this show.

Syd plays Spidermonkey and eventually shoots Donnie in the shoulder and gets THROWN from the car. I mean, it was amazing. She FLEW and it hurt, poor lamb.

Donnie staggers from his car. He is going to get Sydney's hair if it's the last thing he does. As he slumps towards her, gun raised, we all think for a fleeting second, this is the end for our heroine! A death in some parking lot we've seen since season one by some two-bit single-episode bad guy on the ground in a wig, for god's sake- with there are gunshots and Donnie grows two streams of blood and drops dead.

Gira comes into focus, all pretty and gunwielding and WHOA is she working the Bristow/Derevko swagger! My sister and I were both, aww, she's so mad that someone hurt her sister! And she shoots Donnie again!

And again.

And again.

And again.

By this time Mel and I were cocking our heads. "Oh," we said, "Well, at least now we know she's a Derevko. She's SEVERAL SHADES OF COMPLETELY INSANE."

When the clip runs out and Nadia lowers her gun, Syd asks, both disturbed and, dare I say, amused?, or something like it- "Is that how you always deal with the bad guys? And he's totally dead, by the way. Two bullets in the chest usually does it, unless it's Not!Francie or Lauren."

And Nadia lets her gun fall and whimpers that Donnie was the one that killed Mommy.

And Syd looks up at Daddy like, oh. Oh, you bastard.

Daddy defends his choice back home in the Apple Store (I give up. I give in, Regina.) to Sydney, whose makeup needs work. This depresses me, because she looked so pretty the entire episode. And now she's all, meh! You lied to Nadia!

And Daddy's like, sometimes a nice lie is better than the awful truth. And, JESUS, Sydney, do you really want to be an orphan? 'Cause I could totally donate my IMMENSE FORTUNE to, like, The United Way. And my fortune makes Sark's look like small potatoes, my girl.

Syd's like, whatever, dad. You suck. Just stay in your office and watch me go have fun with everyone, okay?

Syd goes out and ruffles Eric's hair and oh my GOD that is the cutest group of all time, and I hope that Eric and Nadia get married and have babies and are together for ever and ever and I hope that Syd and Vaughn remains the same as they are now- cute and SyVa-ish and I hope that Marshall shows us Mitchell (and boy will Carrie be pissed when she finds out he's lying to her) and poor Daddy is stuck inside, watching everyone play.

*sigh*

Next week, a picture of Not!Irina shows up holding a baby, someone tries to blind Vaughn with the same thing they used to attempt blinding Ethan Hawke in season 2, other bad things happen, but does it matter? I have a freaking MEETING to attend. Bastards.

And here is the Nads/Gira story.

Once upon a time, I hated Nadia.

However, Tess and I had this fun little game going, wherein Nadia became fun. So fun that I started to like her.

Eventually there was a piece of dialogue wherein Sydney admitted that she would still like Nadia even if she was a giraffe (because she's an experiment, and all weird because of Rambo. *nods sagely*)

Hence, Nadia became Giraffe. Which got shortened to 'Gira.'

Comments

[thepodsquad.livejournal.com]

Look, it's Ima's chofa! It's so cute. Hannah made such a deal out of this for ages before the episode, so I saw it and died laughing because it's the chofa that could fit about two Sydneys and Sydney's not that small of a girl.

It is so totally NOT my fault that the chair was a chair from the Netherworld where everything is gigantic! That chair is flippin' insane.

It just is.

And yay, such cute notes!!

you would appreciate this...

[crazedfairy16.livejournal.com]

http://cgi.ebay.com/ws/eBayISAPI.dll?ViewItem&category=201&item=4066556983&rd=1

[bel-baggins.livejournal.com]

LOL about Gira. (At least she doesn't have a crooked neck like the giraffe at the zoo Syd and Vaughn were gonna visit. :p)

[sunshine-queen.livejournal.com]

LOL, I thought of that already.

[http://users.livejournal.com/_shesastar/]

Bah. Here I am, all Not!Nita and supposed to be writing an essay worth 20% of my grade. But I have to comment on this, and no power on this earth shall stop me!!

The opening scene of this ep? Possibly my favourite in all of Alias history ever (not including anything involving the SpyRents, of course). Oh my God. Claudia Maria Vasquez DeMarco? My absolute favourite Alias ever. I just . . . there aren't words, man. I want to be her when I grow up. And it was so fun to see all of them there! And Vaughn with an accent. There is never any bad to be found there. And . . . just . . . dude? Best mission ever.

The party was so much fun! And I totally concur. Carrie needs to be on it again! And I cannot believe that little baby Mitchell is already 14 months old. Oh, time flies. *tear*

Nads/Gira (I cannot decide what to call her yet! Sometimes she's Nads, sometimes she's Gira. NaGira. Like Nigeria. And . . . oh, God. Don't let me start calling her Nigeria, mmkay?) and Weiss are so incredibly adorable. I am excited for more Neissness.

And SyVa were being so darn cute and . . . normal. It's like, hello, second half of season two. I've missed you, man.

And the E-vite line. Holy cow. It was like . . . oh, SpyDaddy. Is there anyone more glorious besides maybe his most certainly not dead wife?

I don't get what's up with Nads/Gira/Nigeria and Teddy, either. That was kinda like . . . oookay. Maybe that whole scene was just an excuse to be able to have her smile again, because she's got a lights-up-the-screen smile. No wonder Weiss has fallen prey to her. I hope she's not evil. Because, ya know, there's no chance of this considering who her parents are or anything.

Part of me still really wants Daddy to be her daddy somehow. O, wishful thinking.

Marshall's all, this guy's a wife-killer. Like, he killed his wife. Shot her up, stuffed her in a dumpster, poured gasoline on her, lit a match, and roasted freaking MARSHMALLOWS. And Vaughn's all, dude, I made S'MORES, okay? And SHUT UP.

Hahahaha!!! Word. And that is all I am going to say about that, because I don't know quite how to express how brilliant I find it.

Daddy and Nigeria Nads? So. Much. Fun. Hahaha. I just loved when she made the comment about how nothing had ever lasted as long as this, and Daddy's all, "How sad for you," in the most SpyDaddyish way there is. Oh, man.

And . . . God, I should be paper-writing. So, in conclusion, I feel gypped about the whole guardian angel reference lackage thing but still that scene is le cute, Ima is darn awesome, Weiss rocks (again), and I so weep at the return of Not!Lena.

*weeps*

See?

[sunshine-queen.livejournal.com]

Do NOT start calling her Nigeria, Hannah Elizabeth.