Woe Upon Your Cylon Heart!

So I took it upon myself to enlighten Tess as to how wonderful Maryann is on True Blood, mostly because I am a Michelle Forbes fangirl and Tess is pretty good at fangirling with me.

Me: nicole_anell once said she wished Maryann had been the admiral of the Pegasus
Tess: LOL!
Me: and it would've been a different voyage for sure
Tess: they'd have been out of snacks way before they met Lee, though :-P
Me: absolutely
Me: more orgies.
Tess: LOL
Tess: and they thought Galactica was a party ship :-P
Me: ain't no party like a maryann party cause a maryann party is mandatory
Tess: LOL!
Me: although, LOL
Me: she would've bitchslapped Belzen
Tess: LOL!
Tess: nobody needed vipers

So, my mom knows... next to nothing about BSG. That's kind of a lie. She knows a lot of random bits and pieces of BSG that I don't think she should know (like Kara Thrace's actions in Unfinished Business, which she can recount in detail many months later, the fact that Caprica and Tigh had a thing HOW DID SHE REMEMBER THAT?!) and then totally can't remember things that I think she should know (more important details than that, like the fact that Cylons download.)

We just had this conversation that made me legit LOL like five times.

( In which I explain how a lack of ~*~love~*~ killed Liam, how Ellen is Caprica's Cylon Mom, and wind up talking about Cylon incest. It's awesome. )

"Seriously. Jesus started the whole wait-three-days thing. He waited three days to come back to life. It was perfect. If he would have only waited one day, a lot of people wouldn't have even heard that he died. They'd be all, 'Hey, Jesus, what up'? And Jesus would probably be like, 'What up? I died yesterday'. And then they'd be all 'Uh, you look pretty alive to me, dude'. And then Jesus would have to explain how he was resurrected and how it was a miracle. And then, the dude would be like, 'Uh, okay, whatever you say, bro'. And he's not going to come back on a Saturday. Everybody's busy doing chores. Working the loom, trimming their beards. No. He waits the exact right number of days: three. Plus, it's Sunday, so everyone's in church already. They're all in there, 'Oh no, Jesus is dead'. Then, bam! He bursts through the back door, runs up the aisle. Everyone's totally psyched. And, FYI, that's when he invented the high-five. Three days, Ted. We wait three days to call because that's how long Jesus wants us to wait. True story."

Happy Easter!

Mom: How did I know [Boomer] was an eight?
Me: Because she a Cylon.
Mom: [happily] I like the Sevens.
Me: Um. how?
Mom: [like, 'duh'] Um, she's Tricia Helfer.

Which lead to the singular joy of explaining to my mom about the miscount, and the final five and whatever (her reaction was: YOU HAD A PICTURE TAKEN WITH A CYLON?! ... ... ... Oh wait, you also had pictures taken with Tigh and Mrs Tigh) and about the Caprica/Tigh/Liam debacle (which had my mom all indignant that Caprica had a baby not with Gaius, and all concerned about Tigh, who was married to "the beautiful lady!"

Me: i'd say i'm getting so crotchety in my old age but i'm just getting crotchetier
Tess: LOL!
Tess: it's okay, so am I :-P
Me: well, yeah. I'd say we're the Queen and Princess of Crotchetsylvania
Tess: LOL!
Tess: we moved here from Grumplandia
Me: LOL!
Me: By Royal Decree: GET OFF OUR LAWN.
Tess: LOL!

I know, I know, right?